Messes are my existence mixed with smatters of sense,
Fractured rationale within the panes of reason,
Suddenly afoot there’s thought of defence,
Some matters to reconcile before such a season.
Excesses of every poison you’d care to name,
Times reduced to “too much is never enough,”
Cycles of rot putting paid to the shame,
Before too long see nothing but guff.
Thousands of dim hopes brought now to pass,
With every relapse – a joke – lie upon lie,
Still it’s hoped somehow for dreams to outlast,
Pockets of pain mine to buckle and cry.
Only real chance – a hope – that’s exact,
Throw down the gauntlet to leave agony behind,
Critically averse is how I must react,
For any such chance of life now to find.
Critical aversions are the final chance for the person dependent or addicted to a thing. But this is more than what it sounds. It’s the most visceral thing—a movement from the very bowels of our souls—that must take place. It becomes, for a time, the most important thing. It gradually becomes part of us.
The Priory of Prayer
The practice of prayer solves many things, and it appears best inexplicably so.
How prayer works here, on the hundredth turn of attempting to give up a substance or practice, is finally we’re saved most mysteriously from it. Something is born from the desperately creative effort. Now only not to relapse; for relapses, whilst not fatal, do prove deadly (from a personal spirituality viewpoint).
Prayer gets us aligned with God, intending is our seriousness of quest. God will provide the power if we’ll enjoin the heart of conviction—which is inclusive surrender but with an honest courage to change. Prayer communicates our solemness of intent, guaranteeing subservience to the Master’s way.
As If Life Was Never Like “This”
The prayer is for a state of mind where the idea of consumption is radicalised. This is not so much against the practices that once drew us like moths to the flame, as it’s for a new life absolutely unconscious—at a conscious level—to the old way.
The old way is ravenously irrelevant.
The aversion is driven so deeply it’s now become part of one’s new identity. Although we knew we were once afflicted a certain way, today’s reality is comprehensively foreign to then. We’ve been re-born to the fresh way; the old is gone and the new has come. Thought of reversal is now untenable.
This, the above, can only happen as a consequence of a God-experience—right the way through.
© 2011 S. J. Wickham.