There is not much room for ritual
space in this life. People are too busy—fearful of becoming bored with it. But
it is a vital place sometimes.
It is essential to be there, to
stay there, in order to grieve appropriately.
This is because most reactions to
grief, those imposed by fear, implicate us in conflict—usually with ourselves.
Times like these we look to escape the pain. We don’t like the conflict.
Ritual space, regarding the season
of grief, is that open, painful place where the truth lies. Where we don’t
escape from pain, but just stay there, enduring what we can learn of it,
suffering well, we stand to grow. This is no sadistic standing ‘in it’. It is
not bad for us to stay in this bad place. It is for our good that we can feel all we need to feel, but with support; and,
to cry out to God in it.
Ritual space, regarding the season
of grief, is a necessary place where the truth is faced. Much of our grief is
like a dance around this painful, yet healing, ritual space. In our denial,
bargaining and anger we resist the ritual space, but in depression we stay in
that space, and only via our depression can we enter into the realm of
acceptance—grief’s final frontier.
Two Ways We Deal with Grief
Implied above, we handle our grief
by either moving away from the truth in our denial, bargaining and anger, or we
move toward it in depression. Only as we wrangle with the depression do we move
on, eventually, in the direction of acceptance.
When we are able to hold the
ritual space—to not escape the truth in the pain—and just sit there—to deal
with what comes up, in truth—we enter our depression gladly.
This seems a very strange concept.
How would we enter our depression gladly?
When we rally against the pain, by
denial and bargaining usually, we resist the necessary steps to get better.
Sometimes we are not ready. That is okay. Every grief has its own path. There
is no rush to get there.
Denial, bargaining, and anger all
have their role in the grief process.
Yet, until we can handle our
depression we will not get better. Ritual space is that place we enter where
there is no escape from the depression. In this space we simply ‘be’. And as we
confront the full force of the pain we learn it is not that bad after all. This
is because we have prepared ourselves stoically for it. In the ritual space
itself is healing. It is closeness with God.
***
The depression phase in grief is
very important. It is vital to healing. Holding open space for our depression
is necessary in becoming whole again. It’s where we face the truth and gradually
adjust.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
Graphic Credit: vharry.files.
Very interesting thoughts that I have not considered before. Often when I read the Psalms I think that if David had lived in this day and age everyone would have encouraged him to get a anti depression pill (so common now). I remember when I went through a personal time of emotional pain the Lord kept telling me to "embrace the pain" it was such a strange thing but I did get through it and learned much from it. Ecceliastics tells us there are different times and seasons. We tend to want only the happy ones. That's not real life.
ReplyDeleteThe best part of connecting with our pain is it 'enlightens' us to the vast shades of pain elsewhere, also. Thanks Carol.
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