We can choose to be confounded by
conflict—and angered by others’ flippancy and our lack of control—or we can
come to a position of acceptance; what follows is commitment. For the faith to
meet conflict with patience, we earn confidence to overcome. Such confidence
always leads to refreshed commitment to endure.
Processes and Impacts of Conflict
Conflict is always our biggest
challenge in a life inherently relational.
People rarely thrive on conflict
unless it can be seen that they are somewhat duped. We tend to always regret
conflict, because when we hurt people we inevitably hurt ourselves. Not
everyone thinks this way, but the majority do.
So it can be seen that conflict is
generally regrettable.
We typically feel weak for having
been drawn into it. But by our sense of justice, and in our need for fairness,
we are momentarily convinced that conflict is worth it.
Some conflicts do work out to be
worth it, but many are not. And add to this the issue that many insignificant
conflicts are about deeper issues that are much more important. Why not discuss
the real issue directly?
Conflict can be a snare, sometimes
it is warranted, but it always involves feelings.
It is a great blessing, therefore,
when we can add the mood of acceptance to our attitude to the conflict. In this
way we remain as balanced as we can be given the circumstances. One balanced
person benefits many two-person conflicts.
Balancing the Conflict by Acceptance
If we can achieve an attitudinal
balance in the moment of conflict, the conflict probably won’t flare up because
of us. Indeed, it probably won’t flare up out of control at all. It generally
needs just one calm head to quell a potentially serious conflict between two.
If we can see evidence that our
calmness of acceptance is making a difference in the moment of conflict we have
a freshened confidence. Perhaps the other party is seeing us care enough and also
reciprocates in the moment. We are not a walk-over; we simply advocate a bigger
picture perspective.
Acceptance Leads to Relational
Commitment
Acceptance is a behavioural marker
for maturity. Especially in the case of enraging conflict, calm acceptance goes
beyond the irrational expectation of the angered one.
As a result of the responsible aversion
to escalate matters, an attitude of care is communicated between the parties.
This can be a very powerful force for good. When both parties realise the
presence of a momentary amnesty, where aggression makes way for a calm sense of
reasonability, opportunities abound for a new resolution.
During the ceasefire the
commitment for a better future is much more likely made.
***
A calm acceptance of the status
quo in the moment of conflict can be the catalyst for a fresh commitment toward
a new start.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.
I have always seen conflict in a rather perverse light - not wishing to stimulate it, but approaching it with the opportunity to work with it so that people can truthfully take in what's going on around and within them.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I have a sense that Jesus appreciated conflict - He certainly worked on issues with the religious leaders of the day, whereas today most of us simply maintain silence. Is that the same as a calm acceptance of the status quo?
I think it is. The more I learn of conflict, the more I see it as truth that must be addressed. Trouble is we too often get carried away with being hurt by conflict. A calm acceptance facilitates the discussions that need to take place.
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