There’s nothing wrong with being a genuine nice guy

Notice what I did with the title compared with the last article?  That’s right, I took out the quotation marks, vis-à-vis, “nice guy.”

The real issue is there’s nothing wrong with being a genuine nice guy, but there is a stack wrong with pretending to be one, curating the image of being one, all the while being the opposite.  The world needs more nice guys, and of course I’m being gender inclusive.

So let’s turn this toward the good for a moment:

Honesty – the nice guy has no other motive than honesty.  There is no cavorting with machinations.  The straight way is the best way.  Virtuous people know it in their heart that dishonesty not only betrays people and situations, but it also complicates things, and why on earth would you do it if you have nothing to gain?  Genuine nice guys have no interest in gaining anything that isn’t already theirs or theirs to access.  And their honesty is a priceless gift first and foremost to themselves, then to others.  The cost of dishonesty is vast as far as soul-scourging is concerned.

Control – any desire for control is an attitude of a heart that comes out of insecurity.  Why would a genuine nice guy seek to control anything or anyone?  Seeking to control anyone or anything complicates our lives, and a genuine nice guy knows this.  Like with honesty, why would anyone do this?  It makes no sense, unless you’re trying to get something that isn’t yours.  Genuine nice guys have no desire to have what isn’t theirs.  They know what it feels like when others have endeavoured to control them, and they’d be mortified if anyone felt they controlled by them.

Manipulation – again, it’s more of the same.  What motive is there for manipulation when you are content with what you have?  It’s the antithesis of integrity, and when a person has tasted the blessings of integrous living, they don’t turn back and putrefy an oasis.  What is beautiful ought to never be sullied.  Indeed, any genuine nice guy would call such a thing madness.  Not only is there no need of manipulation, there’s an aversion away from that which is detestable.

Secrecy – like honesty, secrecy is dishonesty, and not only does the genuine nice guy know that secrecy will be found out, just as dishonesty will, they still have no reason to be secretive.  It is far easier to be honest because there is no effort in backtracking over what has been said and done.  Nobody who is disingenuous is smart enough to remember all their secrets.  For those given to secrecy, it is only a matter of time before the manipulation is revealed.  The genuine nice guy knows this, and respects it, and it is part of their discipline.  Nobody gets away with falsity.  And that’s how it should be.  And this just adds to the genuine nice guy’s contentedness.  Such contentedness is borne out of acceptance that the honest and transparent life is the best life.

Passive Aggression – for the genuine nice guy, there is no need of aggression, whether passive or overt.  They know that passive aggression is a slap in the face for those they relate with.  Why would anyone intentionally upset another person?  Or allow that person to remain upset once they found out about it?  Surely, they know that sense of hostility will boomerang.  The difference with the genuine nice guy is there any sense of passive aggression must be accounted for and repented of, because in exercising harm, the genuine nice guy FEELS the harm in the other for the harm they cause.  This is how empathy protects us from hurting others.

It is far easier living as a genuine nice guy than it is trying to present that persona.  Presenting personas is fraught with failure because nobody can put on a show in a sustainable way.  We can only be who we are—at heart.  Sooner or later, the real you and me comes out.

There’s nothing wrong with being a genuine nice guy, and indeed I’d argue that it’s the only way any of us should live.  There is an integrity and a congruence between the values we hold and how we live.

Humble, empathetic people are not dishonest, they do not control people, manipulation is beyond them, they don’t keep secrets that would hurt others, and they’re not typically passively aggressive.