I can’t recall the moment or even the time that Mum professed to love Jesus, all I know is she always received my faith with mirrored enthusiasm, loved it when we prayed together, and she loved reading her Bible.
A little over three years ago, I wrote a Bible Reading Plan for Mum, and she followed it, reading the Bible from cover to cover before she died in August. In her Bible, there are two bookmarks, two passages marked, part of David’s Song of Praise in 2 Samuel 22, and later, Psalm 23 is marked (this was a passage I recited at the end of many of our phone calls in Mum’s last two years of life). Mum dutifully listed all the passages she read.
Interestingly, she has a sticky note stuck under “David’s Last Words,” and the Footprints bookmark in the page-spread shown was given to her by Kathryn, one of her daughters-in-law. Mum has a son, my brother, named David. Family was everything to Mum. For Mum family was how she showed her faith. First, if you were family, you knew unconditional love from her (and Dad). Mum and Dad’s marriage shined with unconditional love. But second, if you were in Mum’s orbit, like if she knew you and you knew her, you were family. She loved everyone. No matter how people treated Mum, she always had an attitude of grace toward each person. I’m so glad of her example; it often forces me to reflect and repent when I’m not as gracious as Mum was.
Occasionally Mum would disagree with how I expressed my faith, especially when I was a zealot and it looked like the church was getting the lion’s share of my focus and my family was missing out, which is fair enough. As I reflected, I would be thankful that she would have the love for me and my family to call my attention to my folly. The good thing was she always spoke up and we would always talk about it. What Mum taught me during these discussions is what to value, what had value (family), and the value of speaking your heart and mind. Love is the courage to speak the truth kindly. Mum lived this way faithfully every day of her life.
Mum had many health and medical challenges, but she was not afraid of death, even though she did not want to leave us when the palliative care team talked with us as a family in the hospital less than two days before she died. Mum was always a positive presence, even when she was uncomfortable or in pain—and many were those days. The way Mum lived, resilient and always for others, is such an example to me of how to live by faith, not by sight. How to trust God for the strength you don’t presently have. And that’s the case for so many of us, whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual, or a combination.
Living by faith is about choosing joy, remaining as hopeful as possible, living at peace with everyone, notwithstanding the distractions of conflict, pain, anxiety, fear, or sadness that we bear. Mum had a lot to be thankful for, but she also bore conflict, pain, anxiety, fear, or sadness very well. This is because she lived honestly and cherished honesty in those relationships she had that could bear the truth. But to be honest, her commitment to honesty meant some relational pain was inevitable. Mum had the courage of her convictions, however, and that too is an example.
Mum was a listener. She loved to chat and to share her heart, but she always sought to understand what was really happening. She could read people empathetically. She would give each person the time they needed. There were no limits to Mum’s love or the amount of intimacy she could give. Mum could be trusted with anyone’s cares because she never exploited anyone. She was my chief example. Not mentors, supervisors, more experienced pastors, and counsellors. It was Mum’s character that spoke most loudly—for joy and kindness. And Dad (though not a professing Christian) is my chief example of gentleness, patience, and humility. The fruit of the Spirit exemplified most in my parents.
For some of these reasons, losing Mum leaves a real sting. I know there are others in the family who really feel her loss so keenly, and time, as it meanders on, doesn’t bring the relief it can seem to promise. Yet, as a family we’re so thankful for the woman Mum was.
Mum, thank you for being a wonderful teacher your whole life. Thank you that you were humble enough to be open to exploring faith in Jesus. But most of all, thank you for the practical example you were of how to live by faith—which principally is a life of love.
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