Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash
I often have the need to customise my approach for people and
groups in the pastoral counselling setting. These are some of my thoughts for
delivering a program for recovery. It is a specific program, but I think I
would stick by these general ground rules:
Read the following as if you were taking part in the program:
I want to welcome you here tonight as we embark on this journey
together. It will be a trek into our deeper hearts as we learn about ourselves
and each other in gaining greater awareness and understanding about the
challenges we face.
These are just some of the considerations to be aware of and to
abide by as we do this work together.
1.
I am requesting your trust of me and of each other. Perhaps some of you don’t trust so well, and suppose you have
legitimate reasons for holding back your trust. But by you trusting principally
in me as your guide, and by trusting in your peers here, you will gain the
ability to be honest about what takes courage to do. By trusting here, you give
yourself to what God can do in you through this process. You are also part of
other people’s journeys who are here. When we have trust in this group, the
Spirit of God will flow and some healing will occur for us all. Of course, it
goes probably without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, what is said in this
group should remain here. Is that understood and okay? Thank you.
2.
Now to do number 1, you need to be safe. I not only
understand and respect that, but I need to let you know, I am responsible for
that. The aim of this program is to assist to bring you further on your journey
of healing. If you’re unsafe at any point, or feel too vulnerable, please take
courage to hold back and let me know when it is appropriate for you to do so —
either in the process or in a break. Together, you and I, will handle it from
there.
3.
Honesty. I alluded to it in point
one. Nothing happens here, for you, no power of God works, without your honesty
of complete surrender and submission of your material. What I’m talking about
here is you’ll be tempted to self-protect and to minimise the size of your
problem/addiction and to externalise, which means to talk about anything else other
than your stuff. We all do this. Don’t think you’re any weaker than any of us.
But when it comes to your own stuff, your own sin, I encourage you to own it.
Stay in this place when you’re sharing. If you minimise anything, minimise the
responsibility you give over to others for the things only you can do. In
psychology, there is the term “internal locus of control,” which means we only
change when we own what only we can control — our own stuff. The moment we
begin thinking our stuff is someone else’s fault, we give away the only power
for change we have. Let’s agree not to do that here. Yes?
4.
Space to talk. Please trust me
to the extent that you allow me to facilitate. The word “facilitate” in French
means “to make easy”. Help me to make this process as easy as it possibly can
be, hard and as transformative as it will be, given the nature of the material
we’ll be discussing and pondering. I will direct and redirect conversation.
Don’t worry, you’ll have ample time to share, but I do need to ensure everyone
gets an equitable opportunity, which is not necessarily “equal” opportunity, because
at certain times one person needs more time. We need to allow for that. I will
also see things you can’t, because you’re in
the process, and sometimes I’ll want to home in on key moments as I discern
them. Please be patient with this and trust my discernment. Thank you.
Additionally, there will be portions of teaching that I’ll deliver. I
appreciate it when we can stay on track and keep the momentum moving forward.
If you interject, please stay on point. Thank you.
5.
Calling time to process check.
Occasionally if we go off track or, worse, if someone starts to act
inappropriately, particularly when others feel unsafe, I will call a process
check, kind of like a time-out. We will need to deal with that moment before we
move ahead. I may need to decide on the fate of one person for the sake of the
group, given that I’m responsible for keeping us all safe. Is that okay? Thank
you.
Now, with your permission on all these points, we should now proceed.
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