We commonly betray ourselves, our understanding of things, even our commitments to ourselves, particularly regarding resolutions we make.
We so prevalently think of betrayal, though, in terms of others transgressing us, don’t we?
Hardly a thought might cross our minds that we need to forgive ourselves for those times when we fell, even failed (oops, the elephant-word in the room), and didn’t deliver what we set out to.
I would like a smile for every time I’ve set out on some grand fresh venture, a new land of the soul to conquer—a goal—and after having done some of the hard work, fallen back into the old way, having “failed.” I would be grinning for a month of Sundays, at least! Perhaps you can relate.
I haven’t gotten so used to failing at my goals though to completely give up. Well, not for long anyway. I found that giving up smoking took several attempts; that it was the final successful attempt that took me past myself, into a land of transcendent experience—a golden page in my personal history. We really feel like a winner when that occurs.
And this simply continues... next problem, next opportunity... next goal.
I know well enough now that I can betray myself only enough times to eventually wise up to the area of my falling. There is a sweet comfort in the resilience that I cannot give up. I cannot live the denial. How could we let the matter totally beat us when it’s all wrong?
Part of all this is the ability, the capacity even, to not be satisfied with certain “shackles” that weigh us down in life. I cannot stand by and watch myself do things that are blatantly wrong, personally uncomfortable, or less than my best at the time, and be comfortable in that fact. Again, you might relate.
Enter the Resolution. The personal commitment to stop something or start something, creating new habits perhaps, or perhaps it’s a commitment to someone—this can be waylaid. Then we betray not only ourselves, but them too, in our breaking of the promise.
Another part of this adventure of the soul is coming to forgive ourselves for our own transgressions against ourselves (and possibly others also given the latter example). We have to cut ourselves some slack and stop those looped mental thought patterns which chasten us. These can be so destructive.
‘Getting back on the horse’ is often the best way of simultaneously getting off our own cases and forging more opportunities for eventual success. This requires effective problem-solving and planning—a fresh resolve—and an adeptness to forgive ourselves.
Whatever we place first in our thinking, and whatever we keep at the forefront of our minds, we have high chances of succeeding with.
© 2010 S. J. Wickham.