Please, no advice, just prayers

It was just one sentence, but there was something communicated in those five words that are profiled in the title of this article that conveyed the desperation in a friend’s plea.  I prayed.  I kept them in prayer.

Now, not everybody’s in this situation all the time.  Some people are never in this situation.  But for others, given their living circumstances, and the complications involved in many people’s lives—i.e., circumstances beyond their capacity to control these elements—there are times when a person’s heart will desperately want to communicate what is captured in the essence of the title.

Indeed, what is and will be forever true, the beauty in and of prayer, is that it is far superior to the giving of advice for a person struggling.  Some people, of course, don’t think much of prayer, but many of these people will prefer a silent prayer to be prayed than for the person to give advice.

Advice for the struggling is a tenuous thing.  Usually it’s only welcomed when it is sought.  But far too many people in life feel they have a license to air their opinion.  Their pride inflates their estimation of the advice they “must” give.  Far too many people cannot help but blurt out words that are unwelcome, uncalled for, and no matter how truthful (and they usually aren’t truthful) these words tend to be unhelpful.

We can tell when someone is being unhelpful, because their heart is focused more on what they think is right than on what the other person thinks—the other person who is supposed to be helped.  Such a person is not a helpful person, no matter how much they justify their actions.  Helpful people always have the other person’s prerogative.

The lesson to be learned in this article is a perennial lesson for anyone who is interested in genuinely helping another person.  Yes, I know there are many people who say they are but don’t mean it by their actions.  Many who think they’re helpful are self-absorbed.

Those who are helpful implicitly know that it’s not advice that is sought when someone is reaching out in desperation.  What is needed is presence and prayer, even reaching out to encourage by quietly commenting on how courageous the person is to be simply enduring what they are battling.

Think about it for a moment.  When were you the most courageous you’ve ever been?  It was the time that you experienced the most fear.  It was the time where you felt overwhelmed but kept going.  It was the time you were tempted to give up but didn’t.  And in your overwhelm you chose to be distracted on to something that would focus you.  You stilled your fearful heart and panicked mind.  Even amid that chain of moments of dread.

In “those” moments, advice is a blocker to the agency that keeps you afloat.  Unless it’s sought, and it is only sought from trustworthy wise guides, advice is anathema, a pariah, truly a scourge, from a person who pretends to know what they don’t possess.

Whenever we’re in this place of simply desiring kind thoughts rather than words, a person’s presence and their care rather than their “wisdom,” the mere presence of those who dishonour souls engenders anxiety, whereas those who honour silent wishes honour not only those who ought to be honoured, but they honour themselves—and they honour their God.