There is always a burden that certain people bring in our relationships with them. They exert control and they are costly. And by control, that is the cost.
The common denominator of the person who exerts control and costs a relationship is their inability to accept responsibility for this their life and for their attitudes and actions.
Because they cannot and will not take responsibility for their life, attitudes and actions, the shortfall must be accepted by someone, and that someone is the person closest situationally; the one who won’t or cannot keep the irresponsible person accountable. And let’s face it, it’s impossible to keep such a person accountable. They are slippery.
The irresponsible person is a master of deflection and excuse. Theirs is the game of manipulation because it’s necessary to manipulate people and situations to get away with evading responsibility. And harms are always done as a direct and indirect result.
Whenever someone evades responsibility it’s a deliberate choice and that abdication transfers to cost to someone else who is then positioned/forced to pay. That person is then placed in the awkward situation to “love” the irresponsible one through the “truth” of their being forced to hold the other to account.
It’s always hard, because the person who’s obligated to pay a cost that isn’t theirs to pay has their compassion used against them. That’s right, that awkward situation they’re placed in becomes a choice they need to make that shouldn’t be theirs to make—to hold the irresponsible person to account. Add to this that they’re often dissuaded because it’s hard to hold them to account, it costs them in terms of stress, pressure, and conflict.
You can understand why responsible people often find it easier to simply get on with it and pay the cost of “carrying” the irresponsible one because it’s just easier. The irresponsible person knows this. The responsible person therefore becomes an enabler of poor attitudes and behaviours. Another thing the irresponsible person evades responsibility for. Nothing sticks to them.
The purpose of this article is not to amend such a thing by converting enablers to account-makers. The purpose is simply to say it how it is.
An encouragement to lead the responsible life is it’s happier and more empowered. It’s wiser and better. Responsible living is logical, reliable, and realistic. No matter how much better it is to live the responsible life, however, there will always be plenty of reasons to regret such a commitment, especially as we consider what irresponsible people get away with.
BUT there is no hiding the record of life as one looks back over the history of one life.
We will all account for what we did and did not do in this life. It would be the biggest risk imaginable to think our acts would not be assessed and judged for what they are or were. People might speculate that there is no judgement. You are fine to live as if there isn’t. But it’s neither wise nor right. Not wise from the aspect of the possibility of judgement given this life has plenty of evidence about it that justice matters. And not right from the aspect that it’s clear in this life what is right from what is wrong.
The central idea is that irresponsible people are responsible for exerting a definite control over their relationships, and that is a cost their relationships must bear.
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