… the tough get going, right? Yes
and no.
There is a beautiful idealism sketched
in the truth that when things truly get tough, the properly tough person gets
going… on the work ahead; they make the forays required in forging the path to
success.
But it was shown to me recently
that there’s another way to see this truth — a truly sad reality for so many.
When the going gets tough, the
tough get going… right away from the
problem. In other words, they depart. They leave. They up stumps and never
return. Or, they simply take their leave, or cover their ears, or pick up a
drink or drug or other distraction, or just check out — “this is not what I
signed up for!”
This can happen in conflict, it can
happen when life is overwhelming, it can happen anytime a person decides they
cannot (or will not) do something. And many of these feelings are to be
understood. Everyone gets overwhelmed. Nobody lives this life without being
pushed beyond their limit.
But, in being pushed beyond despair,
we learn a lot about ourselves and others.
~
When the going gets tough, the
tough may wilt and have doubts. They may look at what’s in front of them and
shrink in genuine fear, but it’s hoped that they would try to manage what is overwhelming and seemingly impossible.
Climbing the mountain that is the
process of grief looks too arduous; if we look at the mountain and don’t see it
as a long series of manageable steps, even if some of them are excruciating.
Dealing with tragedy, too, looks impossible, until we stay our desire to run,
and simply do the best we can, one hour at a time. The long grind of life does
wear us down, but it’s from the pit we rise.
The genuinely tough person, the one
who is resilient, will normally buckle under the weight of additional stress,
until they acclimatise. Until they assess the weight, simply staying and
resisting the temptation to run. There’s nothing fancy about the way they do it.
Indeed, it’s probably the case that they will look dishevelled because of the
added burden.
But they persist. They persist
because they see it is their only real option, because they consider the easy
out as the fool’s way — no real option at all. They would rather try and fail
than walk away without trying — because there’s integrity in that, and when you’ve
got nothing else, integrity is an awesome companion.
Chances are you may be reading this,
and either be facing a tough situation and considering a boycott. Or, you might
be on the receiving end; your partner up and left, or they bailed at a moment
you most needed them, or you’ve hit rock bottom and your friends have
disappeared (yet some of the unlikely ones have stayed to pick up the pieces
with you).
If you’re considering giving up,
and leaving the extra burden with someone else, have another think. This
decision could be a major loss for you. Your opportunity to hold your head
high, having helped when you could’ve back out, is real. Just for an attitude to
try, to take your responsibility, to make good on the trust others have placed
in you.
~
When the going gets tough and you do
get going, you will lose, even as
others you care about lose.
But when the going gets tough and
you prove you’re tough by getting on with the work, you and everyone else you
care about prospers.
If you try and fail, you have
failed well, and even in failure there is hope for what might still be
achieved.
The massive disclaimer here is
in cases of abuse. In cases of abuse, leaving is many times the only option.
The persistence here, the tough thing here, is to get going!
And, of course, this article
is pointed first and foremost to men who leave women too easily or bail in many
different ways on their responsibilities. It certainly happens to men, too, but
it’s usually the other way around.
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