Sunday, March 24, 2019

When the going gets tough…

… the tough get going, right? Yes and no.
There is a beautiful idealism sketched in the truth that when things truly get tough, the properly tough person gets going… on the work ahead; they make the forays required in forging the path to success.
But it was shown to me recently that there’s another way to see this truth — a truly sad reality for so many.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going… right away from the problem. In other words, they depart. They leave. They up stumps and never return. Or, they simply take their leave, or cover their ears, or pick up a drink or drug or other distraction, or just check out — “this is not what I signed up for!”
This can happen in conflict, it can happen when life is overwhelming, it can happen anytime a person decides they cannot (or will not) do something. And many of these feelings are to be understood. Everyone gets overwhelmed. Nobody lives this life without being pushed beyond their limit.
But, in being pushed beyond despair, we learn a lot about ourselves and others.
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When the going gets tough, the tough may wilt and have doubts. They may look at what’s in front of them and shrink in genuine fear, but it’s hoped that they would try to manage what is overwhelming and seemingly impossible.
Climbing the mountain that is the process of grief looks too arduous; if we look at the mountain and don’t see it as a long series of manageable steps, even if some of them are excruciating. Dealing with tragedy, too, looks impossible, until we stay our desire to run, and simply do the best we can, one hour at a time. The long grind of life does wear us down, but it’s from the pit we rise.
The genuinely tough person, the one who is resilient, will normally buckle under the weight of additional stress, until they acclimatise. Until they assess the weight, simply staying and resisting the temptation to run. There’s nothing fancy about the way they do it. Indeed, it’s probably the case that they will look dishevelled because of the added burden.
But they persist. They persist because they see it is their only real option, because they consider the easy out as the fool’s way — no real option at all. They would rather try and fail than walk away without trying — because there’s integrity in that, and when you’ve got nothing else, integrity is an awesome companion.
Chances are you may be reading this, and either be facing a tough situation and considering a boycott. Or, you might be on the receiving end; your partner up and left, or they bailed at a moment you most needed them, or you’ve hit rock bottom and your friends have disappeared (yet some of the unlikely ones have stayed to pick up the pieces with you).
If you’re considering giving up, and leaving the extra burden with someone else, have another think. This decision could be a major loss for you. Your opportunity to hold your head high, having helped when you could’ve back out, is real. Just for an attitude to try, to take your responsibility, to make good on the trust others have placed in you.
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When the going gets tough and you do get going, you will lose, even as others you care about lose.
But when the going gets tough and you prove you’re tough by getting on with the work, you and everyone else you care about prospers.
If you try and fail, you have failed well, and even in failure there is hope for what might still be achieved.
The massive disclaimer here is in cases of abuse. In cases of abuse, leaving is many times the only option. The persistence here, the tough thing here, is to get going!
And, of course, this article is pointed first and foremost to men who leave women too easily or bail in many different ways on their responsibilities. It certainly happens to men, too, but it’s usually the other way around.

Photo by Vlad Tchompalov on Unsplash

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