Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Familial Curse – The Delusion of Denial

Family “A” always had it. That sparkle of love enveloped their world. Each tiny relationship within their bubble of reality was knit close and loving. Trust is a dear thing. Family “M” on the other hand were somewhat known for their hostilities. If a neighbour down the street didn’t know this, they’d probably just moved in—anyway, they’d know soon enough. Family “M” is large in today’s terms. Five kids take up space in that home and Mum and Stepdad and a cousin round out the complement—but it’s rarely a harmonious complement. Last Christmas there was a lot of crying and screaming and fighting. Not many days go past when things are quiet and seemingly peaceful. Within its walls there are some horrible truths.

The trouble with society—any society generally—is family “A” is normally surrounded by like families, as is family “M”. Although family “A” could probably not bear to be around neighbours like family “M,” they’re really so nice and loving—and even though they’d cringe at the thought of such dysfunction—they would genuinely want to reach out and support them.

Societal separation necessitates a truth/denial division hence hundreds and thousands of family “M’s” are out there not knowing what they’re missing out on; not seeing what life there is beyond their harshly broken reality.

Besides, when families “A” and “M” are close next-door neighbours the shroud of denial pulls the shades on opportunities for the light of truth to break through. Either the truth is not known or between them it is tiptoed around. Again, it’s the truth/denial division in safe, demonstrable force.

Family “M” could just as well be a wealthy family in a “nice” neighbourhood—albeit a more subdued lack of harmony pervades typically—denial thrives anywhere it’s embraced (as does truth).

There is one main thing that separates family “A” from family “M,” and this is in the accord of truth. One family strives for the truth, the other family avoids it, even denies it when it rears its ugly head. Enter the propagation of the generational curse for the latter family.

The Generational Curse

When we read a term like ‘the generational curse’ any normal man or woman thinks, ‘The guy’s flipped his lid—it sounds inauspiciously like witchcraft, sorcery or something.’ No, it’s not really. It’s an everyday phenomenon that we’ve all grown up with, lived with, lived next door too, known intimately but perhaps not recognised, or at least recognised in other families.

The fact of cursing is an ages-old concept, certainly from some of the earliest biblical times. And the commonest curse is saved for denial—a wanton refusal to accept the manifest (easy-to-see) truth. Pride is the most obvious problem. For instance, ‘I’m pretending the problem doesn’t exist—it’s painful,’ or ‘I don’t care about the problem—I am who I am—no one’s telling me what to do.’

What do we sow when we choose these attitudes of life? We replicate the curse in our children and then them with their children and so forth. If sexual abuse was rife in one generation it may contort as violence against women in the next, all of which breeds mental dysfunction and illness—a parity of dire cursing.

Whether it’s sexual abuse, another form of physical abuse or emotional abuse, it doesn’t matter really—cursing is being propagated generation to generation. It’s a set of horrendous situations and a hotchpotch of calamity for all those involved.

The Solution – A “Fix” In Any Generation

It only takes one generation to say, ‘Enough is enough; we want to live a life aligned to the truth,’ to address this generational curse. This simple act of the will (it is simpler than we’d ordinarily think) will cataclysmically convert the makings of cursing into the potential for blessing.

All it takes is one parent or one family, no matter the family’s dim, dark and shrouded history, and the family (including future generations) is saved from the mire provided the truth is welcomed and explored on a more or less continual basis.

This is the importance of truth. Truth cannot harm us. It may carry a little sting for our pride initially but then we realise there’s freedom beyond the shrill reality of owning up to who we are.

And the truth is we all—with no exceptions—have some sort of dim, dark and shrouded past. Even family “A” has things they’re ordinarily ashamed of—they just cope differently; they don’t allow the fear of the truth to hold them back. They refuse to deny the truth.

© 2009 S. J. Wickham.

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