Enduring the Long Road

“The road is long, with many a winding turn, that leads us to who knows where, who knows when.” ~Bobby Scott and Bob Russell (songwriters) of He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother, performed by The Hollies, 1969.

Paradoxically, life is both a fuzzy blip and a tortuous pilgrimage. Adding to the confusion of that reality is both the human mind-and-heart-space—a strength, but also a weakness—and the spinning phenomenon of life; an ever-dynamic circumstance that conditions us to chance.

Being alive is an unpredictable experience. The good and bad, both, come and go intermittently. Even the seasons of life—those periods of months or continuous years—tend easy or hard or in-between.

Enduring the Mixed Fortunes of Life

Because the road is long, and we tire easily and occasionally get frustrated, fatigued or complacent, there is great risk that at some point(s) we’ll make key life decisions that we’ll come to regret. We need to respond in positive ways to these circumstances, not getting down on ourselves for deals that are done and dusted.

Likewise, we’ll make some good choices and enjoy significant fortune—noting these as we count back the joys. But as we know, pride is the great precipitator of falls from grace. We can become our own worst enemy oh so easily. Anyway, good times make way for times not-so-good, and vice versa.

Most of life, however, is neither significant in fortune or misfortune, but indifferent so far as categorical assessment is concerned. Nowhere lands of circumstance have views of no clear destination, nor scope for time or direction. The difficulty is lack of difficulty—the soul contending in somewhat of a vacuum. This middle ground of life should find us comfortable, though we are strangely uncomfortable and poise is required so we don’t panic for nothing.

Broadening Our Perspective

Irrespective of the circumstances that prevail in our lives, as they ebb and flow, we best maintain a broadened perspective. I always picture as an image of wisdom a 75-year-old woman who’s experienced more than enough of life to understand, and institute, this type of longer viewed outlook. She is ‘wide’ to life; a sure mentor to those younger players struggling to find balance.

The broadened perspective caters for the vast continuum of human experience from failure to success, despair to joy, and emptiness to fulfilment—and all between.

It couldn’t be a better default approach, as we leave home base on our daily conquests, to expect one of a range of different possible outcomes as reward (or punishment) for the input of the day. Best we not be surprised by any result as it could have been predicted, later on, by hindsight.

***

Enduring the long road is wisdom; humbly confident in fortune, buoyantly resilient in misfortune, and able to patiently wait out the many banal moments in between.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

The First Moment in the Rest of Your Life

Welcome to the first moment in the rest of your life. It’s called the present. The rest of our lives are a continuous string of those ‘first moments’. What’s going to make each of those first moments work? That’s our opportunity and challenge.

A good dose of wisdom, seasoned with love, with some humour added for taste—it all helps balance the situations that present as those first moments.

When life is broken down into moments everything is seen as initial, and therefore everything of personal control is in play. Choice is now the thing that proves we are masters and mistresses of our own destinies. And if the choice seems out of our control, when we agree we are simply making a wise choice. God still gives us majority dominion over our control.

***

The first moment in the rest of our lives is momentous if we will choose to see it that way. Likewise, if we’re given to anxiety we can see this first moment as just a moment; manage that okay, without thought of past or future, and we are succeeding.

Peace prevails when we are not ambushed by the past or ransomed by the future. Living that first moment of the rest of our lives, right now, is licence to breathe more deeply the salubrious aroma of an ever-present joy.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Something That Helps

Sometimes we can make neither head nor tail of what we’re feeling. Confusion swirls as the mind and heart find themselves dotted like stars over the expanse of the psyche. What can possibly help?

***

Staring into space—the mind unaware,

Trying to express the feelings that bear,

Just what seems to harness the issue,

Is possibly destined to conclusively miss you.

Better is the mind captured in focus,

That would be a much better locus,

For better for worse this now is release,

Eventually the experience of mind-blessed peace.

***

Periods of such emotional or spiritual estrangement collide with our hopes often without warning. Yet, this too shall pass. In the meanwhile, what will we do?

Something that helps is doing something that helps. A focused mind makes for an active body. An active body keeps the contorted mind distracted long enough for such periods to pass. Better to help than to worry.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

When the Dream’s Become Real

Resilience is the name of the game of life. We don’t get down by failure; no, we get up, again... and again. Failure does not define us—it never should. Instead, we look ever forward to the immediate future.

***

Failure’s taught me one thing you know,

To double back over old ground is to fail to grow,

Instead I’m inspired to draw courage to believe,

Potential exists, just need confidence to achieve.

Old days as I look back they’ve come and gone,

Never until now did those plans belong,

Now with a passion—a purpose to commend,

My potential’s now good to further extend.

Possibility in hope and dreams anew,

Fill the pocket of my heart with a spritely dew,

Establishes the enterprise of substance beyond vapour,

I could be coming home to this fondly caper!

Ability’s the confidence to dance the Rumba,

Poise’s now coined to achieve this plunder,

Suddenly before me—a heavenly deal,

Now to accomplish, this dream has become real.

***

God’s grace is never more beatified than by the fresh day—yet another opportunity to right the wrongs of the past. We may sow the previous evening in tears, but the dawning of a new day brings hope and joy (Psalm 30:5b).

There is a realisation, revealed personally, in the poem above. As I’ve reflected, failure has taught me something; we don’t grow by continuing to fail. But the failures season our coming success; they add spice as we contemplate what it feels like to be a winner.

The main thing is keeping the main thing the main thing.

As our thoughts propel us into the future, disappointment makes way for hope, and endurance finds a new comrade in the restoration of confidence.

The only thing that stands between us and the achievement of our goals is the confidence of belief. If we’ll be forwardly compelled, one-eyed for the prize, we will get there.

One Day at a Time – The Secret Weapon

There really is no rocket science involved in the one-day-at-a-time approach.

It takes work, and a plan sitting behind it, but overall it’s the belief in ourselves that propels us onward. One day at a time is just the mechanism, again complying with God’s grace, in that a woeful day is quickly gone. Likewise, one day down is one day further along the path of achievement.

What’s most wonderful is the fresh belief blitzes the malignantly corrosive beliefs that the bad habits reinforced, perhaps year after year.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

One Day at a Time – Deal or No Deal?

Successful living is found in being present, leveraged from the dealt-with past and authentically hopeful for the future. The mechanism is famously, one day at a time. Such a mechanism is a habit—the king of all good habits.

Furthermore, one day at a time is a philosophy; one backed biblically (Matthew 6:25-34). The beauty of such an idea is it’s not limited to ‘a day’; the day is an exponential concept—it could be an instant or, equally, an entire age.

Choice – Our Friend or Nemesis

The blessings of God are never more evident than via choice. Yet, it is a Western concept that choice is our nemesis. Choice can only ever be friend when we check it in self-control.

But, isn’t it funny how we justify our poor choices?

Take diet as a good ‘for instance’. We make a good plan and then resolve to stick to it. We desire the loss of extra weight and seek to tone up. We know what we want. We start out well. Then, during a moment of temptation, we let it go by justifying a small excursion from the plan. Next thing we know we’re on a slippery slide back to where we started—all for a few minutes of ‘bliss’.

The thinking behind this is not that dissimilar—barring the excesses of morality—to having an affair. Instant gratification, with a profound price, is chosen ahead of the sustainability of the sound plan; in the case of relationships, the maintenance of love.

Why do we make such short-range choices? For the rewards we get, that’s why.

We have to decide we want different rewards—more long-term ones.

Choice – Practical Considerations

If we consider the more substantial reward, keeping it front of mind, the temptation of the transient in-our-face reward doesn’t command solitary hearing. It becomes a practical choice. Achieving our goals is a practicality of life. But, it’s not easy; habits are ingrained into the very way we think, and breaking such habits is like climbing a slippery slope.

We really need to believe that the long-term choice is the better one, and actually think it’s the best option practically.

It’s a case of Deal or No Deal. If we make a deal to adopt the one-day-at-a-time regime we stand to achieve our goals. If we don’t make a deal we put at jeopardy all our passion, effort and planning. And we waste our time.

***

Anyone incorporating a one-day-at-a-time approach will be effectual in breaking bad habits, and they’ll enjoy their lives to boot. They have made a deal; one practically too good to refuse. They choose the right rewards.

Taking one day at a time is power and joy for life. It makes for a convincing deal. A better one cannot be negotiated.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Unstuck From the Moment We Can’t Get Out Of

Synonymous with the U2 song, Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out Of, we all have periods that are rut-like. Whether it’s a relationship, a career going nowhere, or a habit out of control, there is hope. Becoming unstuck is a process commending truth, patience, self-discipline and wisdom.

The key issue is likely to be overcoming the habit-strength that has our momentum stayed in a place we don’t want to be. The following may help:

1. If we know the truth, and at one level it is staring us in the face to the point of annoyance, but we don’t apply that same truth all the time, indecision will be a sticking point.

2. Overcoming the habit-strength reinforced over months or possibly years may take several months to correct; to retrain our minds to take a different default path. It depends how much we want this change. The effort we put in will be worth it.

3. Indecision is a killer. It will have us vacillate between the good path and the comfortable path, but the goal we’ll never reach if we remain indecisive. The mind is strong enough to decide. We must decide and then keep going.

4. Honesty is possibly the biggest issue. At all levels we may be aware but if we compromise on the truth we’ll get nowhere. Honesty prompts courage. To make the move requires good analysis then the pluck to go and remain gone.

5. All the above is acknowledging that few of us are middle-ground people. Not many of us are comfortable in compromise. Eventually we reach decision point.

6. To be stuck in a moment we can’t get out of is a good thing in this: something deep within us is stirring us to take note of what is really important—to us. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We were never meant to deny our realities.

7. We may fail time and again in re-railing this issue that has us stuck. We are not weak for buckling in our resolve; we are only weak if we give up altogether.

8. Perseverance has a helper friend called Tenacity, and she has the ability to bounce back resiliently. Resilience is not about falling, but getting up each time—quickly and with purpose.

9. Failure doesn’t matter. Indeed, it merely highlights how special success is when it’s finally reached. Think about it, if we fail again and again and still don’t give up on our goal, we have the faith that we will ultimately succeed.

10. We have everything within our grasp to overcome this rut—the possibility of success is ever present. There’s a lot of space and freedom in that.

11. Enjoy that possibility. It doesn’t hurt to treat ourselves to a visualisation of what success will look like. The more we do this the more we empower our subconscious mind to influence other levels of the mind, for our chief nemesis is the mind. But, with the mind on board we can achieve anything.

12. As we look back, being stuck in a moment we couldn’t get out of was an important precipice; we were taken to the cliff face for an important reason: decision time. As we recall those important decisions we made years ago, coupled with our courageous determination, we see how our faith paid off.

Now, off we go on the fresh challenge!

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Take ONE

In many industries, to prevent accidents, people are encouraged to Take Time, or Take Five. When we take time we invite the insight of awareness and, therefore, reason is ours; all for the understanding and applying. This improves our lives.

But we do needn’t stress out to Take Five when we barely often even Take ONE:

Take ONE Moment...

Imagining ourselves seated on the grass in a park, nearby a trickling fountain, birds peacefully tweeting. Sometimes we just need one moment to empty our minds enough to allow the fragrance of life to flood our senses once more.

It’s just one moment, however long that moment needs to be; could be a few seconds, a minute, or several minutes, but probably not longer. Capitalising on such a moment makes a pleasant opportunist of us.

Take ONE Hour...

Sometimes we can’t achieve the above sense of peace in such a short departure from life. The noise in our minds and the unease in our hearts prompts us to escape for a defined period.

This is about planning, anticipation regarding looking forward to something so freeing, and then wilful execution—as we protect and provide for ourselves; our mental, emotional, and spiritual states.

Take ONE Day...

Sabbath is a marvellous concept. Rarely, however, do we institute such a holy sacrament per the Ten Commandments.

Taking one full day, or even a substantial chunk, is for some a courageous move. Many of us are so connected to life in the here and now we find it hard to disconnect even for one day.

Not only is disconnecting for one full day possible, it’s necessary for reinvigoration upon rejuvenation, and should be part of our month by month living routine.

Take ONE Lifetime...

This is where we depart from the abovementioned concept of chosen situational rest. Enjoying the grace of God is, fundamentally, about knowing the peace that comes from eternal rest, even in the here and now.

Taking ONE full lifetime—yes, that’s our whole life, or the rest of it—is first, commitment. It’s with deliberation and intention that we forage in life under a new purpose. With this purpose we note when our hearts are rushed, frustrated, fatigued or feeling complacent. With this commitment, we arrest each slide as it occurs, restoring the delicate nature of the peaceful life.

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When we Take ONE we agree with God to take only what we need. This is our God-ordained opportunity for momentary reflection; to seek and grow in wisdom. This is so glory may go to God.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

The Right to Change Our Minds

Perceptions morph, a bit like the weather, all dependent on what the mind considers. This is good. Would there be many things worse than stubbornly sticking to a thought or decision when it should or could reasonably change?

But, often we’ll feel weak or guilty for changing our minds. Sometimes we know we shouldn’t buckle, but at other times a change of mind brings the peace of acceptance we’d perhaps long prayed for.

These latter times, when the prayer was for our minds to be changed by the will of God, are true blessings, for it is God that has turned our thinking, miraculously it seems.

Suddenly we are ready (finally) for the next thing.

***

We have the freedom to change our minds. It is our life after all. Nobody else has charge over what we think or decide. All that is left is to seek wisdom.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Open Door Policy

Life centres around rejection and acceptance. One is a closed door, slammed shut. The other is an open door to wonderful new things. The way to life is twofold: embrace the open doors, and let go of those closed-door-in-our-face experiences.

Having an open door policy is not so much just about welcoming people into the offices of our lives, but actively looking for open doorways presented as opportunities and taking less notice of the rejections.

Encountering Closed Doors

It’s no good being frustrated by the closed doors.

Yet, we’ve all been there, backed up against the ropes, swinging plenty of air punches as we try to get through. There is no use in trying to pound down certain doors. They will not be opened for us. We must accept this as God’s will, if we are to remain positive.

And still we will struggle. Sometimes we are not ready to accept rejection. We take it too personally, and in our right, honest and subconscious minds we know it. We just can’t admit it just yet.

It’s hard.

Hoping for Open Doors

Really what we want, just we may not know it right now, is the presence of even one open door; one opportunity where we are wanted... indeed, needed.

Eventually the open door does come, and we may even be surprised as to the look and feel of that door. Perhaps we didn’t expect it. We didn’t look for it to come in that shape or size or colour or weight. Again, God has surprised us. (Isn’t it funny, we never get used to these surprises?)

When the open door eventually presents it inspires, yet again, our passion; where once we were lost in rejection, now we are found—embraced in the new thing. We have purpose once more.

Implementing the Open Door Policy

Our main challenge is to install the ability to seek open door experiences and simultaneously disregard, efficiently, the closed door experiences.

We don’t want those closed doors to mar our enjoyment of life. So, why do we let them have power? We let them have power because we don’t actively look for the open door. We can’t cancel a negative with a negative. The power of a negative can only be annulled by the winsome positive.

So, what we have the opportunity to do is note the experience of the closed door whilst quickly reverting to a ‘what next?’ focus. The closed door is merely the neon sign ushering the open door. Simultaneous with our ‘what next?’ focus needs to come the ability and willingness to let go. That, many times, is a process. But if we are committed to letting go, that process will become quicker and easier.

***

God closes some doors to us so that better opportunities present via open doors. We don’t always know why at the time. But the sense and reason opening the right door is always there.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Enjoying Our Age of Life

LIFE: a thing we both are and do. Pertaining to life, being and doing are mutually inclusive. Embrace both. Cherish what they represent. That is, enjoy the age that you have—the period known as your life.

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The above statements describe a philosophy for life in basic terms.

If we can manage two tasks simultaneously—being ourselves and doing what we are passionate about—we have the age that is our lives squared away. The trouble is most of us find both of those endeavours railed in barriers. And even when we do achieve semblances of the satisfaction our glee tends to be temporary; the winds of change threaten to sweep us of course eventually.

Being and Doing – Goals of Life

Traditionalists disparage the former whilst evangelists of grace dispel the latter.

The truth is we need meaning in both, in reasonably equal portions, to enjoy our lives. This present age, where we live and breathe and think and walk and talk, is satisfied in only these two things.

Being

We are to be the person we are purposed to be. That, as a search, may take years, decades, or the entirety of the age we exist in our earthly bodies to discover.

This is the most important task of our lives: to discover who we are from what we know, and to never give up that quest. At times, we will have discovered it, only to find it disappear from our grasp. That of itself can induce quite sharp depression. To feel completely in control only to lose it is a difficult concept for almost everyone. But then, we too can change; choosing to change the direction of our lives—that, when it happens, is a great God-blessed freedom. Some, as mentioned before, never quite find purpose in being. We are nevertheless never better blessed by not giving up.

Being is central to our identities; it provides the platform for doing.

Doing

Conversely, but not against being, we are most blessed to find and accomplish the things we are purposed to do.

This is not about doing for the sake of doing; it’s everything about doing, to the best of our abilities, the exact things that God has put us here for. How can we know this if we aren’t already being the person we were meant to be?

Nothing quite gives us the same sort of joy as doing our things purposefully. Being is only part the pleasure. Doing completes the mission of ‘us in our age’.

***

Neither being nor doing are less or more important than the other. They are, of a sense, tied to each other—as mentioned, mutually inclusive. If we cannot be who we are supposed to be then it figures we cannot do what we are supposed to do. It operates the same in reverse.

The age we have—our life—is our opportunity to become the dream and to do everything that that dream represents. That is life in a nutshell. Don’t be afraid of dreaming humbly, for many such dreams are blessed better than bold ones.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

The Next Day Does Come

DAYS THAT ARRIVE without hope—those dashed before they’ve begun—make life a little hell. Fear or pain or reticence has its way from the conscious moment dot. How do we get up when, like Gulliver, there are a million cables strapping us to the bed?

Sometimes it’s pointless reasoning. Some days arrive like that; worse than we anticipate. The hole has already swallowed us.

There is one thing that can help, which we forget, however.

That thing is defiance. We can get up if we will ourselves up, but we must make the decision, because nobody else can. Once the decision is made the mind takes over and the deed is done, at the time of actually doing it; a miracle of the Spirit overcoming the flesh.

Self Defiance Versus Self Compassion

Something we must know—and only we can tell—is when it’s appropriate to show self defiance, ordering ourselves out of bed or a sloth of some other form, and when it’s appropriate to allow ourselves rest.

Many times the only threat that presents is the slippery slide into a worsening oblivion. Perhaps it depends on strength—do we have the strength to get through this day? That’s the question. Sometimes we do and sometimes we don’t.

What we should pray for, at all times—not just these times of depression, is the wisdom to make the right long-term choice; to decide what is best.

For instance, it is no good to force ourselves into the nebulous world when our minds are tremulous and defiant for self protection. Likewise, why laze in bed when we can readily get up? Only we, ourselves, can know. It pays to be honest.

Whatever the discord we can know this: the next day comes.

The Inevitability of the Next Day

What we need to know, having at the front of our minds, is the inevitability of time; the next day comes, and the next, and so on.

Knowing this is not so much about depressing us further, as it’s compelling us to plan in consideration of this thing called ‘days’. Only we can decide whether it is best to push on or rest.

Another thing that ties with the inevitability of the next day is the fact that change occurs; it may occur slower than we like, but it surely occurs. This nemesis won’t remain, especially if we are prepared to do something about it—either push on or rest.

Just knowing the next day comes can help us hope past any present despair. The day that’s arrived is either a cushion or a platform. The next day will present the same way: as an opportunity.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Solutions to Five Questions We Ask Ourselves

Inside each of our minds occurs thought regarding us and life. Whether conscious or subconscious, these thoughts occur as questions, and these questions go to the heart of our identities.

There are thousands of questions we ask ourselves; here is a sample of five predictable ones:

1. What am I doing here?

Confusion as to our purpose, or a lack thereof, has us either searching for meaning in resilience or dejected in helplessness. Therefore, this question is about finding context and meaning. If our answer doesn’t inspire us we are likely to look for an out.

Solution: the place we find ourselves is the key to our present and future lives. It can only work out well if those places we find ourselves are the right places to be.

2. How do I respond?

This is a very important question we don’t ask nearly enough. It’s the question Joseph asked each time he was thrown into a pit or jail (Genesis 37 and 39). He didn’t so much wallow in self-pity as look for the opportunity in the mire.

Solution: If we can learn to ask this question of ourselves we have a chance of delaying the instinctual response which almost always gets us in trouble. How do we best respond?

3. What are they talking about?

When we get into conversations, especially in the group context, perhaps when we come in on the tail end or we’re left behind, we will most likely wonder what people are talking about—not so much the words, but the meaning behind them and, more importantly, what that means to us.

If what others are talking about has little to do with us we’ll quickly decide to opt out. This sort of question is about seeking understanding.

Solution: knowing what others are talking about has a certain usefulness. We learn it and then we act on the information or we dispose of it. We don’t dwell on it.

4. Should I stay or should I go?

Another critical question. Most of the time we should find ourselves answering in the former. Our lives will only grow and gradually improve if we have relatively stable platforms from which to launch. But it is still an important question. Commitment on many things, though not typically relationships, has a use-by date.

Besides, this question is probably most pertinent in the momentary setting: “Do I stay, here, this moment?”

Solution: the answer most of the time will be, stay. Oftentimes, simply asking this question will force us to be more decisive, and therefore empowered.

5. When will this end?

We will ask this question many, many times subconsciously throughout our lives. Like the above question, it finds itself a home in the moment as much as season by season. In other words, we’ll ask this question several times on the same day. We’ll also ask the question when seasons of life (months and years at a time) endure, testing our patience to the enth degree.

Solution: the challenges of the day, or the period, last as long as they last. There’s no problem in asking “When will this end?” if we are prepared for a truthful answer.

***

We ask implicit questions of ourselves; of our circumstances, our problems, and our lives. Indeed, it is healthy that we do this. Better to question than to judge and allow self-talk to lord it over us. Better to question with an open mind than decide prematurely with a closed mind.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Time and Eternity

We may think of eternity in terms of time, but then we’d be mistaken. Being in an eternal heaven or an eternal hell is a constant—no realm anything like time exists there.

What is, is.

Plain and simple; it is otherwise irreconcilable.

That can help us disconnect for our false allusions regarding other preconceptions—that we might experience pain, duration, perception, cost, difference, winning versus losing etc there. These will almost certainly be wrong.

As we strip away more and more of our unchallenged assumptions about eternity—something that’s the complete antithesis of time—we perhaps begin to fear it less.

Peace is to be known in heaven; a peace nothing like what we might know as peace here.

And how can we know it if we’ve never been there? This, of course, is from one person’s understanding—mine—regarding eternity; a vision converted to literature.

Close, Yet Far

We are closer to eternity than any of us imagine. There could not, nevertheless, be a stranger concept. So close it is, yet, by experience and knowledge of it, so far away.

If wonder was impossible before, thought of the time-eternity paradox now creates it.

This we have to look forward to; the peace of it; the completion of it; entering is achievement.

Yet, of all thoughts, we never want to leave here—unless life has become despairingly unbearable—because there is too much to leave; though soon it’ll be all gone.

***

So, let us enjoy—the best we can—the things present to us in this world. Let us know, however, the sharply diverging difference between time and eternity. What we take into eternity from this life is a mystery to be answered only when we arrive into the next. We can make no assumptions.

Does that, somehow, refit our concept for life today?

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.