In a life that is all about choices, even if there are many situations we don’t have a choice about, choice is always the choice we have.
In terms of mindset and a paradigm through which to perceive life, there are choices, to be an optimist or a pessimist, a realist or an idealist, objective or subjective, etc. Let’s say each of these choices is not about choosing right or wrong, or better or worse. Let’s imagine for a moment that there is a time in a season for each of these thought prisms. Let’s also imagine that some of this, apart from awareness, are inclinations informed by personality.
But what I want to put before you is a state for thought that promotes mental health and wellbeing. For those who battle with their mind – and most of us have been there – there are some simple things in terms of thinking practices that assist in the guarding of our hearts and minds.
The first is plain awareness – from a contemplative viewpoint – becoming more aware of what we’re thinking and how we got there. Of course, the second thing is HOW to deal with the rising awareness, and this is where we come to the choice to either judge our thoughts or be curious about them.
To judge is to get forensic and make an assessment of the thought, and that default assessment is usually negative in terms of “judging” the thought. To be curious about the thought, however, is to stand back a little way and to simply observe what we’re feeling and thinking. To be curious is a choice, it’s a positive choice, to allow the thoughts and feelings to be “as they are” and not need to be defended.
Until we realise that we don’t need to judge our thoughts we don’t even give it a thought – that we do in fact have a choice. But to exercise that choice requires some intentionality.
We live in a world that judges us all the time, so why do we pile on top of this our own self-judgement and self-condemnation? We do it because we’re not even aware of it. So it’s worth becoming aware so we can institute the disciplines of standing at a little distance to simply observe what we’re thinking and feeling – without the judge’s gavel in our hand ready to strike the block.
The most beneficial thing in being curious about our thinking and feeling processes is we give ourselves space that others often do not give us. If we don’t give ourselves that space, we may miss out entirely. The irony is, in not giving ourselves space, we may not give others space, so as we prefer self-curiosity over self-judgement, we’ll tend to offer others that benefit of the doubt also.
Imagine having that friend that never judges us. Imagine how gracious they are, how wise they are, how much we might lean on them in that hour of our need. This is what the curious mind does for us when we engage in that thinking, as we nurture it, as we practice it and progress it toward it being just how we operate mentally.
Imagine the balance, the perspective, the wisdom we’d attain, simply by not flying off in judgement against ourselves. And in not judging ourselves, we become logically less judging of others, and through a process of reciprocation we’d find that others might be less judgemental of us.
When we prefer curiosity over judgement, we stand to learn the true source and meaning of what we think and why we think. Instead of feeling condemned, amid guilt and shame also, we stand away from the negativity in being curious, and that space is a healing space.
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