In a world where many routinely do not bear what they’re responsible for, there are those who bear far too much responsibility. The biggest trouble for people who take too much responsibility is discerning where to draw the line.
This has implications for people of faith just as much as it applies to people not of faith.
For people of faith, there is a certain works righteousness that most people get sucked into, i.e., we feel guilty if we’re not doing enough or not succeeding enough. If someone is doing more than we are, or if they’re getting better results, it can make us feel either guilty or unworthy.
For people not of faith, it’s not that much different. For instance, those who volunteer, and so many do, want to feel valued and of value. Most people strive for purpose. Also, we all want our consciences clear. It makes life simpler and more peaceful. Conflict is the pits and most of us will do a little more work to avoid it.
But some go out of their way to make their responsibility ours. We who bear burdens gladly bear another’s burden — even begrudgingly at times — to keep the peace. But it isn’t a true peace, because we end up absorbing what will later turn into a resentment.
Then there are those things we insist upon bearing which were never our burdens to bear.
It’s like when we’re married and have Christian faith and our partner does not. Is their becoming ‘saved’ our burden to bear?
I recall a lady telling me once that her friend had such a conundrum, so she asked God: “Will my husband ever believe in you?” God’s answer surprised her: “It’s none of your business!” That’s not God being rude; it’s a reminder of what is in God’s control and what’s not in ours. The wisest thing we can do when we’re bargaining on something out of control is to stop engaging in futile behaviours. I call it, “Getting out of God’s way.”
Think about it. Those things that are out of our control are not meant to be burdens we bear. They only cause us inordinate stress, and according to Psalm 37:8, fretting only leads to evil.
Bearing too much of a burden often means we burden others. Besides, it’s an exercise in futility because matters we cannot affect, those that are beyond our control, are really not our concern. We enter our interest on these at our eventual peril.
Those who will insist their responsibility is our responsibility are clearly a problem in our lives. It’s up to us to speak the truth in love, hold the line, resist their overtures that we need to do more, if we’re already doing our role or more than enough.
Sometimes we need to be firm; too many are manipulated and only see it when it’s too late.
Committing to bear no more burden than necessary is crucial for the sustainability of our wellbeing. It is also helping others to bear what they’re responsible for.
It’s a loving thing to say to someone, “Sorry, I can’t do that for you; that is yours to do.”
Sometimes people need support, but that’s not us doing it for them.
If we spoon-feed a person, we risk that they’ll grow to be dependent on our help. That serves neither them nor us.
Feed a person fish and they alone are full. Teach them to fish and they can feed their village.
None of all this is shirking the burdens we cannot avoid. There are many roles we all have that must be attended to with diligence and faithfulness. But no more than that is necessary. Being diligent and faithful is the standard; it’s well and truly enough.
At a time of year when we may be contemplating New Years’ resolutions, perhaps the goal of bearing no more burden than necessary is worth considering?
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