There are times for us all, when midway through a job or journey or endeavour, you realise you’re in too deep, it’s too late to turn back, and you have to keep going in faith that all will work out.
It’s like a few times when I’ve found myself on the cusp of panic in hazardous industrial situations, responding to chlorine and ammonia gas leaks, over 20 years ago now.
You rely solely on the layers of personal protective equipment you’re wearing to protect you from a very nasty chemical hazard. It’s a surreal situation to find yourself in: “Without this clear Perspex or PVC between me and the hazard, I’d be at risk of dying.”
Part of my job was to don breathing apparatus and a chemical splash suit (at times, a fully encapsulated suit) and go and fix leaky cylinders, drums and tanks. It’s work that was often done in hot and confined space conditions.
One such day, we were working very hard physically and with all the gear on it felt at one point as if I was going to hyperventilate. I began to panic. In a flash, without thought, I could feel one of my hands involuntarily reach for my mask to rip it off, because I felt as if I was suffocating.
I just couldn’t get enough air. The demand valve on my mask was delivering the maximum volume of air.
I couldn’t believe how quickly with the heat, the movement of crawling on all fours and the effort that that took, fully clad in heavy PPE and a breathing air cylinder on my back and a positive pressure full-face mask on, that I reached the point where I suddenly realised, “I can’t breathe with the mask on AND I can’t breathe without the mask on.”
“I’m going to die here!” was suddenly my forlorn thought... “They’re going to carry me out...!” It’s amazing how quickly my mind turned on myself.
What do you do in those situations? Like many situations in life, we have to find a third way. The better way. The right way. When both the other methods spell disaster.
The third way in this situation was initiated the moment I realised I was getting into a flap, and I simply had to talk my way through it... “Stop panicking! Slow down! Just breathe!”
It’s amazing how quickly my emotions turned from panic to empowerment through the poise of that moment’s faith. I’d slowed down. I went into survival mode first just for a few moments. I slowed down my breathing, and though it took probably 10-15 seconds to stop sucking in big gulps of air in the mood of terror, I just kept talking myself down. Telling myself to stop panicking. I had a buddy, but we weren’t within sight of each other for those fleeting moments. Part of it is I felt I had no help and just had to help myself. After I talked myself through it, after those 10-15 seconds of sheer panic, then I started moving again, toward the objective. I’d made another way.
We all have moments in life when we’re suddenly thrown the curve ball and we’re stunned without words for a response, or frozen like a deer in headlights. Not all of these situations have we been able to talk ourselves out of, but just the thought engenders possibility.
Beyond the triggers for trauma that seem to so disable our response, everything that triggers us in a flap of panic is a learning opportunity. Of course, I know this is easy to say when the hazard is a ‘thing’ and not a dangerous person.
Think of the power of being in that moment when the voluntary in us starts to become involuntary because our whole being feels out of control. But imagine how this process is circumvented, because at just the right time you go on your instinct and fight your way through it in faith.
It takes the moment’s courage to go with that gut and to take the risk to keep going and to not give up or capitulate. One such moment is all that’s needed. One moment of pluck. One moment you and I are both capable of; where we hear the voice of the survivor’s path through and you and I take it.
One moment like this is enough to stick with us for the remainder of our lives. One moment of victory over ourselves, our circumstances, our adversaries, our fears.
At just the right moment, when the pressure comes on, prepare for it, and then go through with it. Whether it’s a physical challenge, an emotional or mental challenge, or a spiritual challenge, keep going, because you can get through. It’s just for a moment, a very pivotal moment.
Photo of myself in SCBA, c. 1997, Kwinana, Western Australia
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