Character change is an uncomfortable prospect for every single one of us; no one
willingly enters into the confronting process of character growth and
transformation without some external influence that meets with their own
internal motivation.
Often the external influence for
growth appears forced. We knuckle
down because our options to do something else more comfortable have dried up.
The journey of character transformation is
replete with many opportunities to swing outside of our comfort zones,
in finding, through new ways of exploration, new cohesiveness of identity. But,
there is always disequilibrium, anxiety, and resistance to meet with along way.
So there are many threats to effective growth, and therein lies the advantage
of therapy and coaching to get us through the discomfort to the eventual
incorporation of new competencies.
New cohesiveness of identity is a state
of enhanced character; of higher, better self-knowledge and relationship with
God.
The Cycle of Comfort
As thinking, feeling creatures, with many
layers of unconscious self-protection that we have learned, we are drawn to
remain in the cycle of comfort. We don’t want to be exposed to our
vulnerabilities. We want to remain where life is safe and predictable and
pleasurable. The cycle of comfort meets that inherent aim. Safety and security
is our aim, and to reach the state of comfort is our goal. But if we are to
grow in character – which is God’s will for our life – then there will be
plenty of stimuli to that end, and it will be some external influence that will
set us on our way.
The dissatisfaction of being in a rut will be
our motivation to enter the cycle of discomfort and growth.
The diligent disciple prays to become
self-aware and to courageously commit to the cycle of discomfort and growth.
The Cycle of Discomfort and Growth
Again it must be said, our flesh and
self-protective instinct seeks to avoid this territory. We have a fearful
hatred of challenges to our identity. As soon as we have become dissatisfied
enough to seek for growth, we have achieved a state of disequilibrium, which
creates anxiety, and in turn involves the temptation to resist the very growth
we are after. We can so easily vacillate between two divergent poles.
The key watch point is a moment of fear or of
pride that presents as resistance. Whenever we resist the inputs for growth and
transformation we do well to simply rest and reflect, before we are pushed too
far and resist altogether. The mode of resistance is a key point along the
journey, and we should call the resistance for what it is. Resistance is fear,
but it shouldn’t be judged. It should be anticipated and welcomed before it is
creatively dealt with.
Once we have met the resistance head on we are
likely to enter positive exploration, which has as its danger the state of
deserting the plan for some ‘higher’ and more salubrious vision. We need
sufficient restraint to stay focused and do what we need to do in establishing
the component of the new self toward new cohesiveness of identity.
***
Character growth hurts because it
involves the pain of external influence. If we can still our anxiety,
understand and accept our resistance, and focus when we are distracted, new
cohesion of identity is possible.
With humility to pass our tests
of integrity, character growth is ours.
© 2014 S. J. Wickham.
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