Monday, September 10, 2012

Enduring Forwards-Backwards Land

“Something is always born of excess: great art was born of great terror, great loneliness, great inhibitions, instabilities, and it always balances them.”
—Anaïs Nin
The sure and certain sign of adjustment out of grief is the forwards-backwards land of the soul as it tries tempestuously hard to find equilibrium. No longer are there the stark, sorrowful and numbed moments, hours, and entire days. Gone is the dearth of expression. Now our problem is a richness of expression as we vacillate in ways that resemble a mild kind of bipolar disorder.
Then we are relieved to be reminded that this is all part of the grief process in adjusting to the new thing.
There is a downside to renewed strength, because our hope tends to outstrip the progress of our reality. The wheels of progress turn very slowly and we can’t hurry this process of re-becoming.
More Than Accepting the Bad with the Good
The cliché burns in the front of our minds—we have to take the bad along with the good.
Almost as if we are stuck in a sickening aquaplane where we are madly turning the steering wheel to right the vehicle toward safety, our down days come almost directly after our good days. And just like the skidding vehicle we feel we have nowhere to turn, until, that is, we arrive delivered again, perhaps the following day.
In the quest for balance we may be afraid of feeling too good, because the fear is, how bad could it get tomorrow? We are almost prepared to sacrifice some joy so the sorrow won’t be as marked.
But the flow of our adjustment is the important thing. As we gain strength we are tested by our abilities to cope with the highs and lows. And balance is always the answer to those tests.
Finding emotional balance is about allowing the Word of God to speak into our beings.
Wisdom from the Ancients
There are many wise ancient writings, and many great modern writings too, that can help us gain emotional equilibrium. As we read our Bibles and varying other encouragements, we gain access to the wisdom of God. That wisdom speaks into our minds and into lives.
It speaks into our lives during the highs, keeping us humble and warding us from pride. It speaks into our lows as well; where we can borrow confidence and encouragement.
The wonderful thing about this wisdom is that it is sprinkled everywhere, and like a treasure hunt we can forage and explore. The more we partake of God’s wisdom the steadier our journey into the light will be.
Enduring the rocky path out of grief requires patience and a desire for balance. When bad days follow good days we know we are getting stronger. The skill now is balance. The more we embark on a journey with the Word of God, the more peace and balance we will experience, because our minds are being nourished to strengthen our souls.
© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

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