Why Am I So Unmotivated?

This is a question that bamboozles many of us at certain junctures of life. What is a perfectly reasonable question still finds us stumped for an answer. Why, when life was so good, have things changed for the worse?

There are three reasons attributed for a lack of drive; there are, therefore, three needs:

1. We Need To Feel In Control

A clear level of autonomy is an important facet of adult life. Beyond the acknowledgement, for a Christian, that God is in control—and we don’t necessarily need to be—there is a very human, and God-understandable, need to have control over one’s domain.

We have an innate sense of responsibility and accountability; we want, no need, to be charged by God to do the things we do—we have the need of a certain autonomy; that is, the need to have a say over the way we do things.

If we don’t have a certain level of control over the things we are responsible for it’s intrinsically de-motivating. Responsibility and control are meant to go together.

2. We Need To Gain Mastery At Something

We are inherent learners; in a forward-or-backwards, never-stand-still world, we either grow or we wither and die.

We were born to master something, anything in a given period. If we think back over our lives this has been one fundamental feature of each period—the urge to master something.

Once we have mastered a thing, and particularly when there is subsequently no purpose in the practice of that thing, we are ready for a new challenge. Beforehand, though, we can feel unmotivated until the pressure for change gets to such a level that we feel forced to find something new to master.

3. We Need An Abiding Purpose

Purpose is fundamental to our meaning for life. None of us can survive for long, and not suffer a crisis of identity, without purpose.

Purpose and mastery of the thing we’re passionate about fit hand in glove, and many people spend their significant discretionary effort towards such a purpose; and usually without monetary or material reward.

Purpose is a very spiritual quality driving every one of us.

Explaining Motivation Problems

If any of these factors feature gaps—or, worse, as a collective, two or all three of them—we will have motivation problems, the source of which will drive us either to distraction or to make the changes necessary to feel more motivated.

During such de-motivated periods it’s not uncommon to have bouts of anxiety or depression. We’re being taken into a change for pain’s sake—many times we’ll not change until the pain of change becomes less than the pain of staying as we are.

Motivation problems may spell the end of something important, but they can also signal the beginning of something new and equally important.

***

To be motivated is inspiring; equally, to be unmotivated is perplexingly frustrating. We live to establish a certain level of control, to work on gaining mastery in our passionate pursuits and, therefore, to have an abiding purpose.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Acknowledgement: Dan Pink.

Silent Night of the Soul

Speculating about post-death experience—yes, imagining eternity—can be a worthy practice. As life is often portrayed as a mix between ecstasy and agony and all manner of emotion between—including numbness—we might spend some worthy reflection time enjoying thought for how other-worldly an existence eternity might be.

Could it be a silent-night-of-the-soul experience?

In other words, could it be the self subsumed in thought for anything but for the self?

There will surely be release from the flesh—no ailing body, faulty mind, or maligned soul to deal with. Though we may be reborn to Christ, assuming salvation, ours is just the gate pass in this life. We are not home yet.

How Wonderful to Rest in Peace

Some people may find it ridiculous to venture thought for wonder regarding the post-death space. Those with loved ones dearly departed may think differently, however.

As thought is projected for a silent-night reality, present in the heavens, we have a strange new peace to look forward to. This sense of peace we will have never known. Nothing will characterise this peace more than freedom-from-self.

This bears a quiet, extended thought.

Freedom-from-self is a gift of a long-desired presence of humility, as natural as an angel’s. There will be no thought for selfishness, envy, anger, greed, malice, derision, pride, comfort, or any other vice.

To rest in peace is to be free from vice-motivated desire.

And so the negative is vanquished; it makes shrift way for the heavenly presence, and experience (if it can be described that way) of holiness; instantly, made like Jesus.

Engagement with the Heavenly Host

What roles there will be in heaven? What work, what praise, what perfection—and all to enjoy eternally.

Freedom-from-self leaves such room for the consummate filling of the infinite presence of divine perfection. No longer a burden on anyone, not least of all to us or God, total joyous productivity is suddenly in sight, as the silent night of the soul endures.

Freedom, Too, From Conjecture

The truth is we cannot imagine how wonderful eternity will be.

It will make the experience of life, however arduous it has been, so incredibly worthwhile, for we endured beyond our own will—God’s grace is revealed, indeed, as sufficient.

It may frustrate some to even picture life taken from an eternal context. So be it.

As we go about our daily lives, living the best way we can, accepting grace and the sufficiency of God, we are free to think and ponder as we like. The silent night of the soul is merely one potentiality. How wonderful we have minds to paint such possibilities! How wonderful that God has created us, in his image, like this!

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

During Low Times Accepting Just Who We Are

Discouragement and wearisome episodes, times when all sense of hope vanishes, remind us of the goodness we perhaps take for granted—if we can still see such goodness as it wraps around our lives.

One of the traps we fall for in such low times is the default of self-criticism.

Without a moment’s thought we climb into the act of vandalising our precious hearts by disparaging decisions made in good faith and some made without all the information.

Low times are a breeding ground for the divisive voice within to go berserk upon visions of self-belief; the efficacy making it possible for us to live a good life. Low times put this sense of self-worth at great jeopardy.

The Frailties of Change

We may specifically criticise ourselves for not changing, when the truth of the matter is only God can change us by the miracle of Spiritual provision. Any other change is, at best, to be short-lived.

We may want to change, and be more resilient or stoic in dealing with difficult or discouraging circumstances. We want to be stronger, but alas we cannot really change our personalities; just accept them in the same grace with which God forgives us.

Self-forgiveness is a great life skill; a beauty of life formation and true perspective.

The Nature of Self-Condemnation and Self-Destruction

Let’s face it, and be honest with ourselves, any weakness is a bullseye for the troubled spirit, because we will do anything to amend such a troubled spirit, even if that means ripping ourselves apart in the process.

By this we prove to ourselves that we don’t like feeling all at sea, emotionally.

We can know that whenever it is us, and only us, who does the destroying, awareness should be piqued—alarm bells ringing—that we wouldn’t ordinarily accept someone else treating another person like this. Yet, even applying such self-damage is justified, ironically, if it might fix the problem.

But we should know, almost every time, it doesn’t fix the problem—it makes problems worse.

Time for Self-Compassion

Where has our wisdom escaped to?

Whilst we may not admit being wise within our peer group, we allow ourselves periods of self-appropriation to that virtue. This is not a vain or self-conceited appropriation; it’s a fair assessment made on a good day when life is okay and our decisions are on point.

When we are of a right mind we accept ourselves, carte blanche.

Just the same, during periods of lowness, blessing persists in reminding ourselves that we are okay, and like other times this time, too, shall pass.

***

Besides God, who do we have as an advocate if we don’t have ourselves? Accepting who we are during low times is the grace of God personally experienced. Everyone has the right of such experience, always.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Paid to Take Time

Life in terms of time is always trying to teach something. Constantly we are reminded to take time in doing the things we need or want to do—when we disobey these reminders we inevitably get it wrong. We take too much on or we try to do three things at once; either way we get frustrated.

Life pays us to take time. The laws of this world bless the patient via contentment and continue to curse the impatient by way of frustration.

Sacrificing One Level of ‘Happiness’ for Another

The reason we try to do more than one thing at a time is usually because there are too many options regarding the things we enjoy. Alternatively, a growingly common thesis, we just have too many have-to-do items on our to-do list for any reasonable human being.

We are tempted to multitask to gain gratification or to avoid pain or failure. We are working for an elusive happiness that brings practically no contentment.

Another option—a life-blessed option—is to jump off the merry-go-round and devote our available mind-space to one task, or one line of thinking, at a time.

This method, which involves a continual modicum of self-discipline, is amazing and cogent in its simplicity, for it opens us up to the experience of a sociable contentment beyond the trappings of frustration.

Take Time by Taking It Now

Is there anything simpler than this?

Right here, right now, right in the crevice of conscious thought, what is God telling us to do—by the manner of what weighs heaviest, this moment, on our heart and mind?

This is wise living in a nutshell; to enter into such poise of momentary self-enquiry.

To reflect over the congruency within, because where God lives there is always harmony present within somewhere, is to believe that such blessed insight is available. And it is available by the pure fact of time, space, and experience. As we observe what is about us, our situations, barriers, and conditions, together with our right minds, we have all information to decide correctly.

The wise thing to do is to take time, and take it now, to establish the sensibility of achieving God’s exact will—his perfect and well ordered will that destines us for a direct path—to do one thing. Any other path we would choose will always be less direct. (We think about taking a shortcut, but it works out to be the longer way to contentment.)

***

By the nature of our minutes and years our lives tell us that we are paid to take time: to do one thing at a time. Multitasking is a constant temptation. Besides short bursts, where it is nothing short of inspirational, it leads to frustration and burnout. Contentment rests in the simplicity of God-engagement—doing the one thing, in the moment, that God requires. There, alone, is wisdom. Wisdom pays us to take time.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Colouring the World In Truth

How do you see your world? How we see our worlds determines how we feel—our attitudes—and how we act—our behaviours. How we see our worlds relates to the colour of our lens.

It would be fairer to say it depends on how we feel as to how we see our world. Most of us have more than enough chameleon going on within—not the colour of our skin changing, but the colour of our outlook and approach reflecting our reactions.

Are We Wearing Rose Coloured or Blackened Glasses?

Weakness becomes us either way.

If we find ourselves seeing things in overly simplistic ways, or we allow the positives to sway us too far in joy, we fall for the falsity of an exuberance that cannot be sustained. Too soon we are disappointed. Likewise, sometimes our situations are overly darkened and we can’t muster any enthusiasm as much as we try.

Neither of these situations-of-outlook prospers us. What we need is to see truly.

Seeing Truly

The Holy Spirit helps us, in no better way, than by the inspiration, and thereby revelation, of truth. The truth, whilst it’s not always initially welcome, sets us free (John 8:32).

In overly positive circumstances the truth threatens to despoil our sense of joy. In depressing circumstances the truth comes to our rescue, in encouragement to explore faith. In both situations—the inflated and deflated—the truth right-sizes the colour of our perception, and the presence of wisdom isn’t beyond us at these times.

Wisdom cannot abide in untruths; much less, is that process taking us to maturity.

Seeing truly negates the emotions that prove to be burdensome. It’s about becoming aware of the bridling emotion as it climbs within our psyche and combating it by installing truth to the witness stand. For a moment we are threatened, but only a moment. After we’ve arranged a fair hearing, in our right minds at last, we accept the truth, however reluctantly. There is wisdom.

***

We can’t help see the world by different colours of the kaleidoscope: the instinctive emotions. The temptation can be defeated, however, when we suspect the colour might be wrong; the lens perhaps informing us incorrectly.

Re-colouring the world is about suspecting our initial emotions as prone to leading us in error. This is keeping a close self-account.

We don’t always see correctly. The more we can check our initial take on things—how we colour our world—the wiser and more reliable to the truth we become. So much better to keep good self-account than give permission to others, by omission, through our emotions of immaturity, to do the correcting for us.

The truth of recoloured sight holds us aloft to freedom; such a height is not dizzying, however, but liberating, by the means of our faith to adhere to truth.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Two Great Motivations of Life

For the disenfranchised there is this hope: motivation for the task ahead, to change, or to maintain something difficult is made infinitely easier to know we have two keys for control.

We’re intrinsically motivated or extrinsically; one is favoured; however, the other is just as powerful and can prove to be our long-term betterment.

The Luxury of Calling

In Christian ministry circles, pastors are called, whether by the church they serve or by the tug of their heart to enter into service for the church, generally—preferably both.

When we ask a 15-year-old what they want to be when they grow up many don’t know. Most 40-year-olds find themselves in the same position. Indeed, we all have times when we don’t know our purpose; we have no sense of call.

That makes times when we do have a strong heart-call an utter joy. We have good reason to be grateful. It’s a comparative luxury to know what we were put on this planet to do. But such a luxury comes with a hook. Desire finds only half the enigma answered.

We need to convert this call, where we can, into a relevant role. If no relevant role exists calling can be considered a curse.

The ‘Curse’ of Calling

Whilst it is the sheer a blessing when a servant of God is able to serve in the manner of their calling, for every one in this position there will be at least another, or more, who battle with their sense of call, and a lack of opportunity to expedite the call.

In other words, many people have dreams and aspire to serve in certain ways, but never find the opportunity—for myriad reasons.

Such a calling can, therefore, procure a curse. Without the ability to express that sense of burning passion the soul is brought to collision point with itself and a spiritual dissonance likely occurs.

Beyond such inner conflict, however, is the inevitable gauntlet that the Lord throws down; we are compelled to mature past this seeming irreconcilable issue of calling.

This is where the power of an extrinsic motivation comes into its own. Nobody wants to admit they are extrinsically motivated; but what a testimony of God’s faithfulness it is to live in ways to experience grace that is always sufficient, despite any inner dissatisfaction.

This is how God matures us. We cannot always be intrinsically motivated. Expecting that, on its own, is consummate immaturity.

Sometimes we might be required to exist, productively, in roles that bring little inner satisfaction.

Our Lord has a purpose in putting us—the square peg—into a round hole. That might sound cliché but it is nevertheless true. Sometimes we grow most when placed in difficult, unnatural circumstances, but it’s not until afterwards we understand.

***

Motivation is blessing. Let us not deride an extrinsic motivation, for forging through trials, problems, and anxious times is part of us growing up. Then there is intrinsic motivation; pure bliss in being alive to do this thing!

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Two Great Tasks of Life

There’s no shortage of self-improvement courses in this life. Everywhere we look we can expect to find myriads of marketing gimmicks selling us ‘the’ product toward a better self.

Taking the task of self-development down to the basics, there are two goals; two great tasks:

1. To get things done; and,

2. To get along with people.

If we can do these two things, the more skilfully the better, we will succeed in life. That will be real success, and there’s neither mention of money, nor fame, nor material gain—but prosperity, of a broad sense, is assured.

Getting Things Done

It sounds simple. Many people, however, struggle for motivation or the wherewithal to get things done. Some are ‘cursed’ with procrastination due to inordinate fear or a lack of faith or vision, or belief in themselves, to put rubber on the road.

Yet, what sounds simple invariably is. It may be no more complicated than putting one in foot in front of another; to act in the theory of ‘what’s next’ without giving up.

We can glamorise it by saying there’s got to be drive aplenty and passion aflame. Often there is. But it doesn’t always have to be this way; most of the best action is taken in humility.

Getting things done is, therefore, the capacity of the humble and, of course, the diligent. Diligence is what I call one half of the mystery toward self-mastery. (The other half is prudence.)

Getting Along with People

All of life ends belly up if we don’t get along with people.

But like getting things done, getting along with people is not all it’s cracked up to be. No matter how skilled we are at relationships, developing and maintaining rapport, we will be confounded in conflict sooner or later. We’ll need to learn the skills of forgiveness, of grace permitting passage past pride. We’ll need to learn how to eat humble pie. Indeed, we’ll need to learn to forgive ourselves.

Additionally, we can more easily get along with people when we don’t adhere to the truth. But the truth is critically important in relationships, for flattery is merely a veiled form of insult. Therein lays the real skill in getting on with people: when we respect the truth and find ways to love people anyway.

***

When we’re tenacious enough to get things done as well as able to lovingly get along with people—achieving both consistently—we have mastered life: the simple life. Besides faith in Jesus, that’s all God wants us to do.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

Feeling Insignificant? // Redefining Significance

In a hierarchy of needs, significance features at the higher end. If we’re starving hungry we don’t get to feel insignificant so much. Yet, many people reading this will have those lower order needs met. Therefore, significance can be a real issue.

It’s easy to be duped into feeling unimportant.

It comes from feeling of lower value or worth than you expect. It happens in workplaces, within families, and even within our own souls.

Sources of Significance and Insignificance

Most of us work on models of significance that we learned; indeed, perhaps all. We derived these from our parents, teachers, and impactful role models in our workplaces.

Anywhere we came to rely on relationships we determined, from those, what significance meant and what it means, today. In other words, these people informed us what significance means. Many of their models were, and remain, wrong.

Yet, they will still govern our belief systems—until we challenge them.

Even when we challenge them we may find them so deep-seated they prove impossible to shift. There is hope, however. Truth is always ready for deployment.

Truth will crush the veneer power of insignificance and restore the solidity of significance.

An Advantage for Christians – If They’ll Remember

If ever we want a better sense of what personal significance truly means we have to investigate the truth, relegating those false models null and void. This requires retraining our minds, and forgiving those who taught us wrong in the first place. The world reinforces many bad models regarding worth.

There is an advantage for Christians in remembering their significance—indeed the significance of all humankind—bears the mark of God incarnate, himself.

A better model for human significance nobody could find: the Lord Jesus crucified so that significance is not only redefined, but life too; an eternal destiny re-shifted.

But, it’s not natural for Christians to think this way; most require frequent, even daily, reminders.

Some Basic Truths Regarding Significance

God designed us significant enough to give us a unique body, a creative and functional mind, and an eternal soul. Rolled within our DNA is the potential to live as long as any other human being today. Given the opportunities we can achieve and survive anything, by God’s grace.

Then we can consider the significance of being presently alive; riding the wave on the cusp of time. Think of the millions of human beings who no longer have that privilege. Life is a mystery, and by common virtue it’s significant. We are therefore significant just the fact that we are living beings.

Lastly, significance isn’t yet fulfilled. When we meet God all things will be revealed.

Eternity completes the equation regarding our significance. We are eternal beings, made to live forever. When we feel insignificant we should trust what God has told us.

Our meaning fumbles in a temporary realm; meaning is, however, permanent in the eternal.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

United to God in Presence

There is no heartier a gift: the experience of nothing less than the full Presence of the Lord, as love overwhelms us in the majesty of wellbeing. Yet, we must make efforts to desire that sense of Presence.

Still, we’re liable to slip from such a Presence—not that God would have it this way. His desire is to have us fully, interminably, without distraction; so we are able to foist all our cares upon that Presence.

Choosing That We Can Have Over That We Cannot

We are near to God always, by the proximity of our living state, being part of God’s world and never apart, yet we will prefer—too often—by habit and ‘sensible’ foolish reason—to reflect over what we don’t have rather than what we do.

We believe our eyes too much, and we keep watch over things we wish for but cannot have. God reminds us, through these, his Presence is all we have.

We may be near to God and, therefore, never closer to love, but we miss it in an instant—just about every instant—we don’t intentionally look for it, desiring after it; that which we can have, anytime.

Faith Draws Us Close

That which is invisible, but never more real, certainly by definition of the eternal, is difficult to grasp—the many will say. This is not true. God hides his Presence from nobody, for it can be felt by faith—even as God feels far-flung.

Indeed, God is ever real as we consider the evidence all about us.

Faith denigrates doubt over that sense of spiritual loneliness that all coming-mature Christians will face from time to time. Perhaps there is anxiety; perhaps, fear; most likely, indecision. It matters little, for the Presence of the Lord is compelling us to grow; Divine love, the catalyst as we are swung into the cauldron of testing.

Behold, we can glory in the fact of God’s silence; a silence which is, no better, the sign of God’s Presence with us. The Lord has ‘left us’ (alone) for the purposes of trust. We are trusted to grow through this patch.

We ought to still know Love remains never more uniquely present. The admiration of the Lord, we have.

Feeling Ever United

More than a feeling, and certainly a fact, yet we are not to know, unless by Divine gift: being united with the Lord is the undeniable and continual state of being.

More than a feeling, perhaps. But our humanity is imprisoned to our feelings. Even more reason to sow into the Presence of the Lord so as to know that love that abounds in, through, and for us.

Feeling ever united with God is baying in never a more truthful thing. We have nothing less than the full Presence of the living Lord of lords, with us, continually, in this world. Feeling united is to abide in the truth.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

From Everyday Anxiety to Accepting Peace

God’s stock-in-trade is humour-enveloped love—as can later be seen by us. But not before we experience the humiliating pain of a lesson hard learnt. God proves impartiality in that, because every person is destined for the same trials. We see the purpose later on; afterwards we can laugh at ourselves.

How do we get to the point where God says, “Okay, have it your way”?

Dissatisfied with what we have and ever pining over what we don’t have summons the incongruous calamity. Disenchantment is a slippery slide into the worsening of our problems.

Imbalance – the Root Cause of Our Problems

Yearning climbs from within us from the moment our conscious clocks spark into tick. That longing, when balanced, provides inertia that ignites and fuels purpose. Too often, though, the centrifuge of life throws us into imbalance; the desire becomes an ache, unsatisfiable.

That feeling can be summarised in one word: anxiety.

Like yearning, anxiety can be healthy or unhealthy; it can drive us to contend and problem-solve or it can condemn us in a profusion of grating, perplexing thought.

Everyone has a touch of both forms of anxiety driving them. If we will nurture the good anxiety we can achieve great things. However, if we are betwixt in a hopeless longing anxiety will take us to dark places. Everything surrounds thinking.

Converting Anxiety to Peace By Humility, Truth, and Thankfulness

There are many things that can amend negatively-charged anxiety—that which we all have—so as to rejuvenate the bright life.

Selected, above, are three virtues gracing the existence of the shores of our wellbeing; the waves of life lapping at the beach in the presence of these, but not overwhelming it as in a tsunami.

Humility sees to it that we question our imbalance so we don’t become so self-conceited as to miss the truth, entirely. It warns us in perspective. It may be the siren of the surf lifesaver alerting of an imminent threat regarding breaking dumpers, tidal waves, or sharks—those inevitable sweeping anxieties that take us off to an oblivion of helpless hopelessness in a moment.

Humility’s first officer, scanning the shores, is Truth. Next in command, and close by, is reliable Thankfulness. The beach patrol is complete with these three. Threats of non-clinical anxiety can be assuaged.

***

Life is consumed with forethought for what might be. Wishing is an indicator of anxiety; one cloaked in the secrecy of a nemesis. Dissatisfaction is the contempt of our Maker. Anxiety rises against Divinity, for it chooses against virtue that could alleviate it.

Against everyday anxiety, a team of three contends: Humility, Truth, and Thankfulness combine to draw us into an accepting peace—the only faithful combatant. Ever more powerfully employed are these three by prayer.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.

One Goal At A Time

“If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord.” ~James 1:5-8 (NRSV).

We are perhaps of a mind to change.

To do so—to get such efforts off the ground—requires more will and stamina than we can conceive this side of kick-off. But from the outset we are determined. We will still need help.

By the power of the Holy Spirit we have the capacity to change anything; but wisdom brings with it a caution not to be overly ambitious, for diluting the efforts may weaken the mix containing our resolution. Then we are destitute because our wisdom and faith have failed us.

Best we plan better.

Singularity of Direction

James’ passage, above, commends single-mindedness as a worthy approach in seeking out wisdom: the sacred binary sponsoring change.

Anything that is perceptible can be transformed by the wisdom of insight, design, and renewal. God limits nothing that we would reasonably have control over. He gives us the entire world—our world; that which we control by the manner of our being.

But there is, nonetheless, a caveat.

Human beings have a capacity, and wisdom suggests we bind our plans around such a capacity. We are not always wise, however. At times we take on too much. Regarding goal-setting, we are apt at spreading our power, given to us by the Holy Spirit, too thinly.

We get greedy and pride precedes a fall.

Another way of looking at this is a focus too thinly spread is liable to doubting and double-mindedness, and nothing will be achieved at those ends. We might start strong but soon we wither. Little wonder we haven’t achieved many important goals. We focused as hard as we could, but we spread our power too thinly. Such power was too dilute to make the difference required.

Clarity of Purpose

The biggest test of our improvement efforts is patience; to be content with changing one thing at a time.

If we can manage one such goal each year—to drink more water, to give up smoking, to lose twenty pounds, or realise an important milestone toward career goals—we will achieve more of a boost to our confidence than by trying to change three things and failing at each one.

If, at the start of each year, we are to dedicate that 12-months to one change we will significantly improve the prospects of achieving our goals in a lasting way. Such clarity of purpose blends with the power of the Holy Spirit, augmenting gain. These gains are not lost easily. They become part of the way we become.

The purpose of achieving one goal at a time makes for a single-minded, determined approach; such clarity of purpose ensures our prayers are blessed by God, who gives generously and ungrudgingly. Nothing within our grasp will be beyond us.

© 2011 S. J. Wickham.