Thursday, August 20, 2009

Knives in the Back - A Way of Life?

Hurt seems to be a necessary component of life. It’s inescapable. I had a phone discussion with a manager recently and he mentioned things said about me by a particular person and queried our relationship. I was somewhat surprised in that I’d had no overt conflict with this guy yet there was a stated infraction.

It got me thinking that there are issues in all spheres of life where we potentially upset people, and whilst we might deal with these things appropriately to the point where they may be forgotten in advance of a ‘fresh day,’ others don’t share the same passion for getting on with life and they harbour a resentmentit anchors them to a damaging part-worldview.

It reminds me also of a definition I saw of “Interdependence,” from the Powertech Corporation:

“Interdependence is the natural state of a group of people when resentments and other barriers are removed.”

This company has built their whole operating ethos on this premise. By intervening both proactively and reactively with the personal care of mentoring and conciliation they’re facilitating the ‘removal of excess baggage’ and the purging of emotional relief valves from time to time.

And we too must do this, if we’re interested in our (and others’) wellbeing.

I’ve said it more times than I care to remember, and written on it several times—the truth “hurt people hurt people”—and it seems this is another example where perhaps our actions do hurt others and we unknowingly don’t even realise and therefore we can’t assist them with the reformation of the relationship. Who knows the extent of the damage this does.

The proverbial knife in the back does occur, more than we like, and I’m grateful to know that ignorance, whilst blissful, is not the best state.

I love being in a situation where I can give particular relationships extra special attention (i.e. love) without the other person even knowing. Everyone is special and everyone has reasonable views about life that make sense to them.

By embracing people who feel hurt by us in a spirit of friendship, no matter how they might initially respond, means we can only advance the purposes of interdependence as it has been defined.

By taking away every known barrier, to the potential healing of resentments, we open the way to a newer, better relationship. And this has to be the goal if we desire effective teamwork.

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