I love sharing my post traumatic growth with those I meet. I’ve survived tragedy and grief, addiction, trauma, depression, anxiety, bitterness and resentment, self-doubting, panic attacks, burnout, dysfunction, suicidal ideation, failure, rejection, and loneliness. And yet, like many helping professionals can personally attest, these locales of brokenness have only helped to define my journey of redemption.
Our struggles and hardships
are not disqualifiers or relegators.
They are causes of crowns
of invigorated capacity.
It is wonderful to share our journeys of redemption
in leading others to their journeys of redemption.
~
Life itself is a trauma. Inevitably everyone will endure some trauma. But there are times in life when we receive far too much than we can readily handle. Yet this is balanced by the fact that in each of us is the vitalising ingredient of an ability to grow through it.
Some of the practical dimensions in growing post trauma include:
1. MEANING MAKING WITH OTHERS
Symbiosis in human relationships is the phenomenon whereby two people share a connection, and when that connection is a positive one, there is power in such a relationship, characterised by high degrees of trust and respect. Whenever we are in relationships like this the symbiosis shared benefits the individuals and meaning can be made from complex stimuli.
One of the dimensions of post traumatic growth are relationships where the symbiosis is enjoyed. Importantly, the symbiosis is not about one particular relationship or another. It is about having the trust to be able to create the symbiosis. Growth is about being able to grow this trust with safe individuals.
Furthermore, this can be modelled in therapy, but it isn’t to be limited to therapy. We all need relationships where there is high trust and connection with several others, preferably in face-to-face relationships where the power is shared. When we have this, we bear the features of post traumatic growth.
2. SELF-EMPATHY
The capacity to see ourselves as we truthfully are
is a mark of post traumatic growth.
What this means is that shame, guilt, fear, self-rejection, resentment, and bitterness are at most carried briefly, then processed, yet preferably accounted for, so the remnants of all these are mitigated and no longer cause troubling levels of pain.
The first step in this process is having the ability to empathise with another. If we can genuinely stand in another person’s shoes, we can stand in our own shoes with compassion for ourselves.
Bearing the hallmarks of self-empathy, we can gently advocate for ourselves without becoming aggressive, accepting the outcomes of our advocacy—sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. When advocacy does not work, our self-empathy ensures our commitment to ourselves remains strong enough to hold our own amid opposition without us reacting angrily.
3. ENGAGING IN PERSPECTIVE
Gratitude in a word.
Perspective brings hope.
We are small in this large world.
We are finite and this is good.
~
When we authentically accept our smallness in the world, we are invited into pondering with wonder the enormity of life itself. Then life itself tends to wrap itself around us and we may nurture thoughts of thankfulness for the plethora of things we are thankful for.
Very many blessings have been
poured into all our lives.
Perspective is a great gift, for we see things as they truthfully are, and perhaps for the first time in a very long time we are given cause to SEE how glorious life is.
It is a gift to be alive.
Each of us has been gifted this LIFE.
Seeing life as a GIFT is a
hallmark of post traumatic growth.
~
4. IDENTITY
Having a positive self-image about oneself and our achievements (marked by thankfulness) on the journey of growth is vital.
Mitigating beliefs and narratives of shame, guilt, fear, self-rejection, resentment, and bitterness are imperatives to be attained. We must face and feel the pain of all these and bring in the power of acceptance that we are loved and worthy.
Awareness is to be turned to purpose,
and intention is to be turned to action.
Observable behaviours full of peace and goodness
will stem from new post-trauma attitudes.
~
Identity is the source of personhood.
Christian philosophies of personhood augment growth and peace with oneself because they are built in WHO we are, not in what we DO. It is a huge relief to many when they reconcile truths like, “I am already worthy as I am.”
We might imagine simply sitting at peace with this pleasant unchangeable reality. Gratitude is nurtured when we meditate on these facts of our being.
Overall, we are LOVED in this life
whether we feel it or not.
We are WORTHY in this life
whether we feel it or not.
Yet, seeing and feeling these things is
evidence of post traumatic growth.
~
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