There’s one counselling concept that continues to remind me of the humility required to live the successful life. And that successful life is in the plain acceptance that we will need to eat humble pie with a generous heart on occasion. It’s good for us.
Circumambulation means to walk around a holy place. The very nature of life is that we walk around and around and around the circumstances of our lives that repeat to teach us a lesson or two.
The same lessons in slightly different circumstances, around and around we go, throughout life.
Today I learned something that I first learned 30 years ago. You know when you have that moment, and it’s always an uncomfortable moment, where you think, “I’ve been here before, a very long time ago, and I thought I’d learn the lesson then.” It was such a simple thing. To include a quieter member in a group. For years I’ve skilfully drawn out the quiet one, always seeking to even up group dynamics. Today I was reminded to do it again. The temptation to pride of course meant that I needed to simply listen and smile and agree with the truth I was informed about. It was delivered kindly and well. It was beautiful. But hard. Yet necessary. There was gold in the experience, but only if I succumbed and listened with a humble heart. I don’t always, but I did so on this occasion.
It's just one simple example, that the older we get the more we realise we will need to relearn and relearn many things in our lives, as we encounter these old things in new ways.
We learn nothing when we respond in pride. But we serve others when we listen and agree to learn again, demonstrating that we have the capacity of humility to simply take on board what is meant for our betterment. And not only do we learn nothing when we respond in pride, but we hurt others in the process.
Circumambulation is a good term for this phenomenon where we re-learn again and again.
When we find we are schooled in a thing that we previously thought we’d mastered, it is one of the biggest tests of our pride and humility. The fact is, we need to meet this test with gratitude instead of annoyance. Then, and only then, as we resist the pride of reacting against the feedback, do we make the practice of circumambulation a reality.
Learning, and particularly relearning, are sacred practices. They are veritably the difference between life and death. When we have a teachable attitude, we demonstrate humility, and we resist narcissism. Indeed, it can be seen that the best leaders are learners, ever humble enough to be ever respectful of the sacred process of circumambulation they are privileged to partake in. Circumambulation is a honourable pastime as it ushers us to the doorway of humility.
One of the lessons of old age is the acceptance of our past, warding against regret, grateful for the years lived, less anxious than ever, and especially the acceptance that the more honour that is due to us for our gathering and plenteous years is often thwarted by the young who think they know better. Sometimes they do.
Part of the privilege of ageing is not resenting being taught by the young. It’s being humble enough to allow them to teach us, especially if they are kind about it. They too will have their opportunity of learning and relearning their lessons more and more as they age. They will have the same tests that we have—those tests of our annoyed pride rising to scorch the ears of the one trying to help us.
Life is an invitation to humility, and the more humility we show, the more gratitude is on offer for the simple things in life. Life has so much to show us, but we’ll see precious little of it when our pride looms large. Pride is a blinding force, much as any sin is.
The honour of life is being gentle with ourselves and others when it comes to being taught fresh lessons about things we learnt long ago.
Think of the peace that this holy circumambulation brings when we don’t always need to be right, when we resist defensiveness, and can allow others their opportunity of showing us things. Instead of a scowl, it can be a “thank you.”
There’s good character in being wrong in a right way
but being right by doing it wrong only creates hurt.
Humility is the first lesson in life and it’s also the last one. All through life, nothing will test us more than opportunities to be humble. Especially these days.
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