It seems that the well-intentioned person is most susceptible to burn out given their desire to invest in life and to bless others. Inevitably we come to a place where we need to institute boundaries to protect and provide for our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.
Many of us want to do so much, be available to others, and ultimately make a difference in this life, for the time we’re alive. This is the eternal perspective that respects the integration of two contrasting ideas: that life is fleeting, and we can’t waste it, with its opposite, that what we do must be sustainable.
Then there’s another dynamic that seems ever out of our control.
This is every circumstance, whether it is people or the varying situations that occur in life, where things happen to a person. If it weren’t for this dynamic, there would be no need for boundaries.
Wisdom is instructive for the institution of boundaries to protect the most vital resource we have—our vitality, our verve—in order that we can provide what our life requires of us.
Simply put, what protects a person from burnout are the positive activities that replenish one’s soul. I learned years ago the importance of that word, replenish. The demands of life tear at the cords of our enthusiasm and strip us of vital energies. What burnout teaches us most is we need to be proactive in filling our lives with pastimes of replenishment.
Replenishment for most people will be about protecting the little discretionary time that’s available, to invest in quality activities such as time with loved ones and our own quiet time.
Taking into account the people in our lives, and the obligations we find ourselves tied to, that call of duty leaves those of who care taxed, and it tests the very tip of our resilience.
Many of those who say they have excellent boundaries also don’t have the service work ethic that many who care do. Their “boundaries” are self-serving priorities, effected to protect their time to do their thing. Selfishness is too easily branded as boundaries, especially when the selfish person criticises a caring person for having “poor boundaries.”
The key opportunity is combining two concepts:
the service work ethic WITH boundaries.
A service work ethic is an excellent thing,
but the challenge is being drawn into busyness.
Those who have good hearts see needs and they do what they can to fill those needs. People with good hearts are not necessarily pushovers or people pleasers. They want to contribute toward the colouring of the canvas of life. But there are those who view such a service work ethic in a good heart as an invitation to exploit that goodwill and those same people call the good-hearted “weak” when they begin to wilt rather than acknowledge their service.
The recognition of the need for boundaries is an important step in reconciling a balance is required. There are those however who will cry foul that a person’s boundaries cut their access for exploitation. Sometimes this sort of thing is an affirmation our boundaries are on the right track.
“REPLENISH”
Is it okay if I finish on the positive?
Essentially everything that we need to restore ourselves in the season of fatigue is captured in the word, replenish. Prioritising time and space and hope for replenishment is necessary. Ordinarily this is done within the busyness of the life we’re called to continue to lead.
This means there’s often no need for dramatic departures from what has led us to this place of physical exhaustion, mental flatness, emotional crisis, and spiritual emptiness.
First, we can build ourselves up with the mindset of replenishment. This is first and foremost about thinking in gratitude about the smallest things of blessed protection and provision. It’s about breathing—in-out... in-out... in-out... slower and slower... you get the idea. It’s about taking a moment to smile in the mirror each day. It’s about attending to the basics of prioritising sleep, good diet, and a sprinkling of exercise.
Within replenishment is a positive series of actions that necessitate boundaries. It’s no good continuing with the same tortuous workload and adding activities of replenishment.
As the positive augments our lives, boundaries curtail our accessibility to those who would exploit the goodness in our hearts. We learn that saying no on occasion is empowering. We’re affirmed that those who respect our boundaries are relationships to nurture, just as we’re cautioned that those who don’t are relationships to avoid. We begin to appreciate that our boundaries don’t discriminate—some of our closest relationships need to be redefined. Some end or access is sharply reduced. It causes conflict, but again, we’re empowered to gently and kindly reinforce what we know to be the only way to sustain the goodness in our hearts for the long haul.
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