We often deride people for not taking their responsibility—a responsibility nobody else can take—without making the opposite overt. Think of what it says and does for a person when they’re commended for taking their responsibility—it encourages them to continue in that vein.
When we notice what a person is doing in their owning of their issue or mistake or failure, we communicate to the person that taking responsibility is how to redeem it.
This is where the power is: it doesn’t matter what they’ve said or done if they’re honest and have taken responsibility, because soon they’ll live in the power that defeats despair, guilt, and shame.
Did you read that right? SHAME.
It’s a word we love to hate, because it takes so much of our personal power for freedom away from us.
But the moment we look truth in its face, and face it without looking away, we meet the pain of that truth in a way that all of us can. That truth is shame. We only turn away because shame conditions us into thinking, “Uh, I know that feeling and I can’t stand it.”
The person who takes the full responsibility that they owe for the situation they’re in is simply honouring the truth, and that honouring of the truth will vindicate them—they face the truth NOT motivated by vindication, but because their integrity says, “The truth shall be honoured at all times.”
That’s the motivation: not to have one’s name cleared. That’s almost irrelevant. In fact, what taking responsibility says is, “The truth is even more important that my reputation,” and the paradox is, as soon as we turn our heart to the truth rather than self-protection, that, right there, is the moment we’re on the path to vindication. And that paradox continues in this: the more we STAY in our being wrong for what will always be wrong, the more we’re freed of the burden of the guilt we would otherwise bear. People forgive us only when we’re truly repentant.
The opportunity any of us has in the moment someone takes their responsibility is this:
- Notice it
- Call attention to it
- Commend them for it
- Encourage them to continue it
The important thing about taking our responsibility is it’s a feature of true adult living. It looks harder than it actually is. As soon as we comprehend it’s about the heart, and about feeling true remorse, that’s the moment when shame is relegated to the irrelevant.
Taking responsibility for our own misdeeds is the beginning of freedom. It’s the way we deal with shame. It’s the way we breathe justice into our lives and lives of our loved ones and others we interact with. It’s the way we live truly. It’s honestly the only good way to go.
Think of those times and circumstances where people in your life haven’t taken responsibility, or they haven’t grasped the full magnitude of their wrongs, and how much damage and trauma it caused. See how it’s a miracle when someone sees all the truth to the extent of owning all their responsibility?
Think of the person in your midst, yesterday, today, and tomorrow who takes their responsibility. Take time to notice it, to call attention to it, to commend them for it, to encourage them to continue in that way.
Think of the power of your words and the power of your presence as you speak these precious seconds of life into the other person. Their taking responsibility is a miracle, and possibly the greatest personal miracle a person can exemplify, because nothing says “I love others enough to honour the truth” more than taking our responsibility.
NOTE: taking our own responsibility is not about taking a portion of anyone else’s, let’s just be clear about that. What is another person’s to own is for them, not us.
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