The loneliness in grief that can actually help to heal you

Loss never feels like a course correction, but I wonder if for a moment we might entertain there might be some cosmic purpose in it.  It’s the faith in me that always holds out the possibility that when bad things happen, good can come from it.

In the loneliness of grief, that sparks intense isolation, anxiety, depression and panic attacks and the like, we’re forced out of a comfortable ‘blah’ way of life, where we can be resistant to growth.  We’re forced out at least temporarily, and many would say, semi-permanently.

The loneliness in grief, besides the pain of it, which is never enjoyable or easy to bear, can herald certain possibilities:

§     it launches a quest for deeper meaning in life, and that can prove to be an awakening point, which opens up previously unexplored avenues of life

§     loss makes us much more empathetic to the suffering of others as well as more empathic regarding their needs

§     the eyes of our heart are opened, and our interests are transformed, much so that we can see certain things — and certain truths — we never saw before

§     because of inherent vulnerability, there can be more reliance on safe, wise and trustworthy people — and less dependence on unsafe, foolish, dangerous people, who are given a wider berth; so, in grief we become more protective and discerning

§     a developing sense of increased capacity to be alone, not needing others so much, can begin to emerge

§     understanding blossoms within a more philosophical frame of life, some assumptions are cast aside, which signposts a maturation process

§     besides the anger of grief that needs to be safely expressed and managed, you might observe yourself becoming gentler, kinder, more patient — especially with those who are vulnerable

§     loss can actually put us in touch with the deeper purpose of our lives, which beforehand we couldn’t engage with — it can actually feel like the worst thing propelled us to our life calling

§     the broadening of life experience helps us to see the student value in life — we really never stop learning

§     through the process, new skills, passions, giftings, courage, resilience and tenacity are revealed — more moments of, “I cannot believe I can do that!  It’s so good that I can.”

§     and... there are bound to be plenty more

All these possibilities only ever open up to us when we press into the loneliness that comes with loss and grief and don’t deny it in fear.  The lonely path is truly the one that unlocks the potential for new experience and discovery.

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash