Everyone wants to be strong, but what is strength if it doesn’t serve us and others? Strength that provides no advantage to anyone is weakness, yet this world is full of examples of such ‘strength’, and we’ve all engaged in the pride that prevents us from simply owning our mistakes, lapses and errors of judgment.
This is precisely the message of the gospel of Christ — we do get it wrong, we have done wrong, and we will continue to get things wrong, and the most important part... and that is okay. Christ is our perfection, but only when we own our imperfections.
This isn’t an article on the Christian faith any more than it is a call to follow the wisdom of repentance — for our own and everyone else’s benefit.
Narcissists do not and cannot repent — that’s how we know WHO they are. They have far too much weakness presented as a façade of strength to admit they got it wrong, and they keep themselves and all those they affect locked out of freedom because of it. They cannot repent because the veil of secrecy reveals far too much shame for shallowhood and they truly don’t have the strength to face the fact that they’re mortal and fallible — as we all are by the condition of our humanity.
A cataclysmic paradox: those who own their weakness are strong, whereas those who pretend they’re strong, unable to transact with their weakness, cannot access true strength. They’re weak. Even though they force the image of their ‘strength’ upon all in their orbit.
Strength is prepared ready for the invitation to humility. It stands there available for all to partake. The strength that enables a person to admit their error overcomes weakness and it reveals wisdom.
WHEN WRONG, JUST APOLOGISE, WITHOUT CONDITIONS
The person who can and does quickly own their errors; that person is humble. They see the truth, they prove the power of self-reflection, having the courage to face their guilt and shame — knowing it’s not the end, but the beginning of freedom — and they set themselves and others free through the power of genuine apology.
They prove that they “value others above themselves” (Philippians 2:3-4).
Think of the life of strength and hope for relationships and freedom when we call the truth for all it is, just simply by loving people we’ve wronged with apology.
This is not waiting for them to identify the wrong — we see it and call it as quickly as possible. It’s not saying, “I’m sorry... but... if only.”
No, calling the mistake or error what it is takes strength, and it’s only an apology when it’s unconditional. It only offers the other and us freedom when it’s unconditional.
Apology demonstrates we understand the level of our error, its impact on them, our seeking to empathise, as we’re fully prepared to rectify the situation and ensure patterns that led to the wrong are addressed and corrected, even as we exercise the humility to seek to be forgiven.
But — a word of warning to the uninitiated — any such apology will rebound and work against you if you give it to a narcissist. They will feel entitled to fully exploit your strength, which they see as weakness. See how warped such a person is?
The most inspirational thing in a relationship, as well as the most loving thing, is when we quickly execute justice for others when we do wrong.
The most damaging phenomenon in relationships is when people withhold justice by refusing to own their wrong. They lie about what happened by their reticence to face facts, and they hold themselves and the others affected at a distance from freedom, which is peace.
Narcissists infect others with their weakness. That they cannot admit to their wrong is they cannot and will not enter into their weakness. It’s a self-defined hell that extrapolates hell for others affected.
The greatest travesty in relationships occurs when one person is never wrong.
It leaves others in a place where normal relational justice cannot ever be done. Relationships need maintenance continually, and that’s about the fair flow of justice between the parties.
This is why it’s impossible to relate with a narcissist.
Photo by Fotis Fotopoulos on Unsplash
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