Photo by Francisco T Santos on Unsplash
There is one key
determinant in gauging mental, emotional, and spiritual health:
To what extent does a person
have the capability
to take their responsibility
versus
their propensity to control others.
have the capability
to take their responsibility
versus
their propensity to control others.
Those who receive
counsel well take their responsibility.
Those who
receive counsel poorly are those who tend to blame-shift and try to control
others.
Couples
who take their personal responsibility individually enjoy progress.
Couples
where even one individual who insists upon staying in conflict mode do not
progress.
But this
article extends well beyond couples.
It extends
to the farthest reaches of all our
relationships, with others, with God, even with ourselves.
If people
experience us as controlling we’re not only untrustworthy, we’re also unsafe,
and not a pleasure to be around.
Let’s
remember God made us for relationship, which has its aim in being a pleasure to
be around (not that we’re ever expected to achieve that all the time). If
people experience us as taking our responsibility, they’re free to enjoy
relating with us as a person who is a pleasure to know, because we’re safe to
be around. To be a blessing is always our aim.
Two pivotal
questions remain:
1. How can I
be less controlling?
Needing to
have control indicates we’re controlled by fear, which is driven by insecurity.
Because we
all have the proclivity to be insecure, we do need to take responsibility for
the possibility we can be controlling. The sheer awareness of being insecure
helps us regulate the need to control situations and others. This is done
simply in owning responsibility for such awareness. We see our controlling
things as wrong and we repent of such attitudes and behaviours. This is
actually one very effective way of taking responsibility.
2. How can I
take more of my own responsibility?
For many
who honestly struggle with needing to have control, this is a hard question.
But wherever there is the endeavour to live a more God-pleasing life there is
the capacity to achieve the goal. Living responsibly is the way to live a
God-pleasing life, because it’s the life of faith — of trusting God to the
extent of loving others.
Whenever we live
responsibly we’re less of a burden and more of a blessing to others. It would
misrepresent the truth to say this trend is absolute, but it’s a reliable
guide.
We take more responsibility when we
hold ourselves to short account, particularly when we use the prayer from Psalm
139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” What
this prayer is truly beseeching God about is clear. God already knows our
heart; He knows our thoughts. The prayer is asking God to make it clear to us
what He already knows. It could be as follows:
Lord, You know my heart, please show
me.
I submit to Your testing of my attitude;
show me the truth of my thoughts.
Reveal any sign of wickedness
(about this situation or other)
And continue to lead me, please. AMEN
I submit to Your testing of my attitude;
show me the truth of my thoughts.
Reveal any sign of wickedness
(about this situation or other)
And continue to lead me, please. AMEN
Those who take responsibility,
seek God’s awareness of truth,
which requires intimacy
to walk humbly with God.
seek God’s awareness of truth,
which requires intimacy
to walk humbly with God.
3. Some traits
of the responsible:
They attend
to what they can control, and they accept what they cannot control.
They’re honest
before God to the extent of hearing another person out who has a complaint against
them.
They’re
quick to own their contribution of fault, but they don’t enable others’
irresponsibility.
They own their current relationships and are happy to cut unsafe
people out of their lives and don’t feel guilty about it.
They’re for the most part logical, reasonable, reliable,
rational.
They take seriously the hurts of others, living at peace with
everyone as far as it depends on them, especially regarding behaviours for
which they, themselves, are responsible.
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