In my line of work it’s a regular
thing to have people come say to me, “Forgive me for being a
burden... (or) for being silly.” The interesting thing is I don’t think these
sorts of people are a burden at all, and they certainly are not silly.
Those who are inclined to think
they are a burden are generally very caring types—when they mean what they say
about being a burden. They may know you can help, but all the same they feel
uncomfortable that they may have exacted too much from you, or extracted too
much from the transaction.
Those who feel they have been
silly, on the other hand, might have self-esteem issues. They feel
uncomfortable being the slightest bit weak—in a public forum where at least one
other knows the unction of affliction in their heart.
We burden ourselves too much when
we feel we have burdened others too much; especially those who are paid, and no
less, called, to care.
Having someone else apologise to
us to the point that no matter how they apologise they won’t forgive themselves
is such a tragedy. They have done the restitution, but they can’t experience
the grace of God—and power for healing—because they, themselves, block its
passage.
It’s such a waste, for nobody gets
anywhere when one person refuses to receive the forgiveness God has ordained
for them.
But a deeper problem underlies
this situation.
Long ago, in the fathomless past,
lies the shaming ghosts of bygone eras that continue to arise within a person.
We could be an octogenarian, making sure heading for dementia, to realise that
these swarming ghosts of the soul are horrendous in their impact, even now.
Our unreconciled pasts—when they
remain untackled—can very well disturb the cadence of our futures; it too often
occurs that way. What we cannot deal with infests us. When we leave emotional
problems as they are—sure evidence of cognitive issues—the geophysical plates
of our spiritual foundation shift under considerable seismic pressure.
We—all of us—are blessed so very
much when we wrangle with our pasts in order that our pasts might make steady
way for a better future.
***
The contented person is able to
fully receive power for healing in God’s forgiving grace. There is no need to
continue to feel we have been silly or a burden to someone. We are all masters
of making mistakes and of going emotionally awry. It’s okay. Perfection is
nonsense.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
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