Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired?

BACK IN MY DAYS OF WORKING A RECOVERY PROGRAM this cliché filled the mouths of many a candidate. In fact, hearing it mentioned was like Groundhog Day (the 1993 movie). Life gets many of us to a point where frankly we’re sick ‘n’ tired of being sick ‘n’ tired—we seek to change.

There are, of course, massive variations of change required.

From full-on drug addiction and alcoholism to eating disorders to continual relational upsets to you-name-it, the one consistent thing is that behavioural problems get us to the same desperate place, eventually. This is the “enough!” place.

I often look at people and see in their eyes the rugged strain of living a problematic life and wonder for them, ‘Aren’t you sick of the rat race life you’re leading?’

And then I’m caused to reflect over my own variations of insanity, and though by and large I’ve put them to bed these days, the patterns rear their ugly heads from time to time, albeit in usually fairly harmless ways. To stay well though still requires awareness and vigilance.

The funny—or not-so-funny—nature of life is we often have to get a little sick before there is sufficient tension of dissatisfaction, causing us to plan for and then finally decide to change; the drive to get well. Some people’s tolerance is little, fortunately for them, and so they decide early, and change they do. Others who’re more stubbornly resilient resist longer and get sicker. Some never get better.

Where do you fit on this ‘tolerance continuum?’

Are you sick of that problematic issue in your life?

Everything, of course, rests on the initial decision to change and all the decisions that follow. If we can, by the will of our decisions, control what we do, we can do anything.

If you’re sick ‘n’ tired of being sick ‘n’ tired bear in mind that you can change and you can succeed—it’s all up to you. No matter how many times you’ve tried and failed, you can succeed ultimately. You can.

Think about your strategy in all the wisdom available to you, including—very much so, the wisdom of others. I love this proverb, and it fits perfectly:

“Plans fail for lack of counsel,

but with many advisers they succeed.”

~Proverbs 15:22 (NIV).

Get trusted counsel. Seek help.

You can change. You can get well. Don’t give up and will eventually succeed.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

CURIOSITY CREATES THE CAT

“Things are generally other than they seem, and ignorance that never looks beneath the rind becomes disabused when you show the kernel. Lies always come first... truth always lags last.”

~Balthasar Gracian.

It was a common saying as I grew up: “Curiosity kills the cat.” It was particularly relevant to the anti-drug education process I think. But this cliché forgets the altogether fabulous truth that curiosity is also the secret weapon of wisdom, truth and hence life.

Curiosity opens us up to a world hardly seen, but one that is just as truthfully there.

In fact, it’s a world-of-truth that’s there and hardly seen by the speculating world—the populace that gets it wrong most of the time when it commits itself to the first-seen “truth” which is inevitably a lie. And then this world will often defend itself even in the face of acknowledged lies—such is its pride it doesn’t want to be seen coming up short, needing to apologise. It propagates its own insanity because it refuses to be positively curious.

This is hardly the reality sought for those who seek shalom.

Prudence indeed lives retired within the recesses of superficiality, to paraphrase Gracian. To get at her, we must endeavour to patiently dig deeper than our oft-quick-fitted minds would allow.

As we search those furrows for the anointed gold of sure truth we uncover other things too; a whole world of perception and hardly-skewed reality beckons.

The kernel and inside of things bears the most truth, but it is only curiosity that will venture in there. And the very nature of curiosity is this: it doesn’t deplore the waiting. It enjoys each step on the journey to truth as much as it does swimming in the destination.

The truth is there in all that we see; but it is our sight that confuses us. Like the case of good ole fashioned ‘domestic blindness’ (husbands, fathers, men) we all—yes, both genders—so readily overlook the truth that shines so brightly everyone could see.

Curiosity will awaken in us—if we’ll let it—that sense of reservedness for all a situation has to reveal about itself. It can awaken us to the fact that the truth often-times lags beyond our first perception.

The patience of curiosity and of reservation; the keys to wisdom so far as truth is concerned. Curiosity, indeed, creates the cat; the lithe creature full of good mind.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

One Life Quote Which Simply Stands Alone

“How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one’s culture but within oneself?

“If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox.

“One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions.

“You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.”

~Barry Lopez.

No matter what any of us think, life’s a confusing reality. Whenever we think we’ve climbed to the pinnacle of our endeavours—and sussed out life with ‘our understanding’—we’re usually perilously close to a screaming thud; the reality check.

As we read a long quote like this above we sense the truth of a contradictory life before us; a life with lots of swings and roundabouts. What we miss out on with one joy ride, we pick up on another—there’s a divisive serendipity about it all.

As we grasp the ironies enfolded in our individual and collective paradoxes—living squarely in the middle of contradiction and holding the plethora of the resultant tension evenly—we begin to laugh at life; we understand and accept that we’ll never understand it. Indeed, this is also a great jumping-off point!

And this is true freedom.

We shrug our shoulders and at the same time shine our light—the God-light—into the struggling life around us, not pompously, but intuitively. It’s all we can do. And the world, in the general sense, embraces the wisdom of light we have to offer.

Once we take this truth on board life gets easier—to simply “be,” and then act as the world needs us to act, is the only sensible response that remains.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

It’s NOT Too Late

“Be yourself and think for yourself; and while your conclusions may not be infallible, they will be nearer right than the conclusions forced upon you.”

~Elbert Hubbard.

Each of us has realities that are more or less forced upon us. What we do with these “realities” significantly defines us. The above quote both challenges and encourages; making our own way, whilst it is messy and risky, is a far more juicily proposed idea than picking up the second-rate drippings on offer in everyday “default” life.

The sheer fact that it’s not too late is transforming. We can turn about face upon any issue in our lives, starting right now.

The irony that drives us is the dissonance that we can’t stand. What is currently burning strong in our hearts beckons our attention.

Many people, in seeking to change, will plan and ponder and feel and try—never committing. By far more effective is simply the starting. It’s to push the bow off at the berth and deal with the winds and the tides when under sail, apart from the safety of mooring, trusting that the faculties of momentum will be forthcoming.

There will be the exciting times. There will be learning times and times of failure. It is part of the construct of life that none of us can escape. Yet, if we’re not disconcerted by this, which in many ways is just a rank façade, we can extract the meaning to our lives—in the midst of that change that beckons—right now or at least in the not so distant future.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

What Goes Up Does Not Always (Automatically) Go Down

ON A RECENT RIDE ON MY BIKE (the kind you peddle) I was astounded at this very common truth—the defeat of the assumption… what goes up does not always necessarily go down so reliably. Of course, I’m talking steep, lung-puffing grades. But there is a positive thing about this truth.

We have good days and then days that are not so good—call it the pattern of life. All we can do is accept it.

But, and this is a really big “but,” when we’re on a high it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re heading for a commensurate low—the opposite, unfortunately, also works.

We have seasons of life where month after glorious month things just get better and better; equally, we have the times when, for want of that gift of recovery, our times are shallow, hard and sorrowful.

If we charted the flow of this happy-sad life we’d find the ebb and flow of it difficult to predict or comprehend.

Rolling up and down on the hills of life we find that some uphills are gently easy on us, even easier than we thought they’d be. Still, again, the anticipated downhill wasn’t such bliss after all; we thought it would be better as an experience.

Our false expectations often get in the way. As does the “form” life often takes.

Life is full of common surprises. Smiling despite it all—if you can muster it—is a great, vast, voluminous wisdom.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

GOOD INTENT

“The perverse get what their ways deserve,

and the good, what their deeds deserve.”

~Proverbs 14:14 (NRSV).

Good intent is sheer mastery.

The abovementioned quote might seem like a no-brainer, but there’s more to it. For starters, as far as moral standards regarding “goodness” go, it doesn’t get any harder to attain than the true biblical standard.

This, however, should not dissuade us from trying.

The perverse, we should learn, are untrustworthy and faithless, “those whose hearts have turned.”[1] The perverse waver; they’re blown to the whims of their selfish and undisciplined hearts. They’re weak-hearted.

The good are not good in themselves; they have simply mastered, to a strong and consistent extent, the following virtues:

1. Good intent is about sincerity in humility. The humble are neither better nor worse than their contemporaries; “class” or “position” in life is not something the humble even remotely think about. It’s not on their agenda for they wish to see truthfully. That’s all that really matters to them as far as the comings and goings of life are concerned.

2. Good intent is about alignment in justice. The just don’t care so much about winners or losers. It’s why the winner wins or the loser loses that counts. The right side and the right intent should hold sway. Partiality of competition is not on their agenda; again, they simply wish to see truthfully. It’s all that matters really so far as life outcomes are concerned. Impartiality reigns. The just believe this even beyond their own desires, for they’ve disciplined them.

3. Good intent is practically about self-discipline. This facet of character alone commands the very seasons of life. A heart humble and just will apply itself in a vast self-discipline because, again, it’s bent on truth. The self-disciplined are entirely trustworthy. As far as “goodness” is concerned, they have it.

A good intent, consistently applied, is based fundamentally in a good heart; a heart that has mastered—to a great, though not perfect, extent—its own crooked nature. For we all have some crookedness in us.

But, when we approach humility, justice and self-discipline with fervour and commitment we can very easily see how a good intent is very much in sight as a pervading modus operandi. This is a good spiritual goal.

This is one of the wisest things we can do as far as practical living is concerned.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

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[1] Paul E. Koptak, Proverbs – NIV Application Commentary (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan, 2003), p. 377.

The Lonely and the Vanquished

HOW OFTEN DOES THIS ISOLATION INTRUDE? And how deep does it burrow? Is it just “me” that feels this way? Even in the crowded room, family and friends present, the soul seeks that missing cornice of spiritual ease, if not delight. You remember it, don’t you? Where did it go?

A ‘break-glass’ solution is sought out, with an understated but clamouring desperation. Anything to divert from this grisly void. Trapped a world apart from the world, the souls seeks a hook with which to harness onto.

Watch out for the counterfeits... the tasty food... the drink... the drug... the sex fetish... diverting company... the golden flutter. They promise much—and not the least of which, comfort and welcome pleasure—and yet the emptying abyss grows deeper. This was never a good thing to begin with!

Is this a depression? Is this a miserable message? Of course it is. But it’s the truth.

Loneliness is the ever-present threat to the human condition. It is something we’re all obliged to. Built in the classic materials of fear and lack, it bakes the remaining vestiges of happiness and surety onto its exterior—transformed are they into a rendered finish of helpless hopelessness and vagrant despair.

Even those who believe firmly in God experience loneliness. They hardly thought it was possible. Faith was supposed to “fix” this sort of thing. Well, it doesn’t—not always.

Spiritually poor, though, this lonely soul clings fast to him who is eternal. And, now, that was wisdom! But, it was no quick fix. Notwithstanding grief, it took a night or a whole day; then things were okay, normal, again.

Lonely, vanquished? Hold on and cling fast to the only One who can truly release you.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

The Metabolism of Time

As we each have bodies that consume food at different rates i.e. our bodily metabolisms, we too also have unique time-apportioned metabolisms. We “consume” time at different rates. And like the metabolic rate of diet, this metabolism of time can be fine-tuned and adjusted by virtue of our use of it.

I was struck recently to think that I’m a quick user of time; I tend to achieve results quickly but then also expect things to happen quicker than they might—you might relate. I tend to force the pace of life. This can be both a good thing and a bad thing. I often have to restrain myself from extending into the bad.

If I don’t get feedback on something quickly, for instance, I’ve learned I often need to manually make allowances for this, otherwise I can appear impatient. By the time I get certain slower-in-coming feedback I’m usually “over” it. In the words of Australian vocalist, James Reyne, my ‘motor’s running way too fast’ a lot of the time.

It has literally bemused me for years that people tend to take their time with things I get right onto; this might also categorise me as an extrovert, a Type “A” personality, and even perhaps “foolish” in the biblical sense. But for the mistakes extroverts make in their boldness, they’re also action-oriented and they don’t suffer a lot from procrastination—if their nature forces itself on their mode of action.

The opposite rate of burning up time is the person who plods along, achieving less, but is overall demanding less of life (and hence too of others). For these, the peace default is at hand, supposedly. They achieve less, are less driven and are probably more stable.

These rates of metabolism probably explain the jobs and teams we get into in the workplace; we end up falling into a line of roughly-same time-apportioned people with metabolisms very similar to ours—if not, we both would become easily frustrated.

And what intrigues me most about this metabolism of time is time seems to be measured differently from one person to the next—the perception of time.

As each minute or hour passes we each might find different things to do with that time. I’m amazed, for instance, that the current Federal Opposition Leader has the time to train for an Ironman Triathlon, do his vast community work, and attend to his ‘day job.’ The fact that I marvel at someone who has extreme levels of fast time metabolism is poignant for me because that’s my focus.

How do you consume your time? Are you a go-getter or a take-your-time sort of person? There are, of course, advantages and disadvantages of each i.e. no right or wrong answer or approach. What would you like to be?

If there is a gap between your current and desired time metabolisms, how will you address it?

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

SAME TRACK

HABITS. BAD ONES MAINLY. They get our attention—and at times, others’ attention—for all the wrong reasons. They define us.

On the way to an airport to fly home one afternoon years ago, I climbed aboard a taxi, and clapping eyes on the driver, an older Asian man, we greeted each other. This was to be a ride I’d never forget. It was prophetic perchance—one week before my world exploded. He gave me a riddle:

‘Guess who/what I am:

‘I am your constant companion.

‘I have the brain of a human, and the precision of the machine.

‘Half your job you might as well give to me... you only need to teach me and after only a few lessons I’ll do it for you automatically!

‘You can use me for your success, or equally, you can use me for your ruin.

‘But, you need to be firm with me; if you’re not, I have the power to destroy you.’

Can you guess who/what this is?

Some people will say, ‘the conscience.’ Others say it is, our routines. The best answer, however, is it’s our habits.

The myelinations—or neural pathways—of the physical mind are like highways and freeways of default or preferred cognitive travel. These are represented by our habits. They take this certain route; it’s quicker, easier and requires less thinking, less bother.

Punching green lights all the way home, the synapses of the mind occur at break-neck speed—ultra-efficiency.

And yet, where are our habits taking us? We’re on an efficient road, but is it the right one? Where are we destined?

Changing track mid-life is not easy; it’s like deciding to go another way—a strange way—home. But, if we’re to succeed in life, it’s necessary to become a master of taking the strange way home, operating automatically in manual—rejecting the overtures of habit. And yet, if we take the strange way home—the emergence of a healthier habit perhaps—often enough, that too will become a habit; a good habit, a habit caused for our success.

Breaking habits is not easy, but it is possible. Our wills decide. And we have every motivation. It’s often the only thing that stands in our way of triumph.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

Time’s Pomposity

“Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.”

~Faith Baldwin.

The idea of time is it has no conception on what makes sense to us. It’s ruthlessly uncanny. It marches on when we wish it stilled; it slows when we’d have it fastened.

Not the least of which time shocks us often by wafting in the changing guard, helpless we are to note its theme a great part of it.

Time is hence preposterously pompous—entirely righteous—though rudely so.

And we kick against him most our lives, Father Time.

And yet, we can but marvel at him.

But to marvel would mean us ‘getting over’ time’s pomposity. Sharpening our senses of rationalisation, we find that time is not the villain after all; it is our deft sense of conceitedness—for which there is positively no end!

Time and change are two inevitable portents, shaving but a mirage from our lithe psyches of flowery fantasy.

They remind us we’re not in control.

They leave their sweeping mark over our emotional borders and take us on all sorts of creepy journeys.

Time: let us respect it to the point of awe, not resenting what it brings.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

To Be Told – Some Kids Will Be, Some Won’t

THERE IS A VAST FOLLY WHERE KIDS WON’T BE TOLD—for them and all those connected with them; especially when they become adults. On the contrary, those children who are reachable and responsive, especially around authority figures, will be blessed with a basic enough wisdom to have an effective life in adulthood.

And so we enter analysis to some extent on the continuum of pride and humility.

At the former end we had a child who wouldn’t be told—they argued and resisted, even in the face of good fact—and at the latter end we had another child who actively sought sense.

You might even be pigeon-holing your children right now.

It’s easy to make predictions that (give or take) work out reasonably precisely. The kid who resists and argues, always knowing better, will end up suffering for their foolishness; their growth—emotionally and spiritually, and perhaps even mentally—is stunted and they will fail to grow and thrive. They will not see truth. They are governed by pride—and hence foolishness is both their method and goal. This is a great pity. This person, most certainly, goes against the will of God.

The kid who is “sensible” and reasonable—the one we can talk logically with, reasoning with them—is teachable. They learn because they don’t come from a standpoint that knows it all. Indeed, they’re constantly humbled by the self-knowledge that they know so little.

It is a wisdom paradox that the wise have such a grasp on the level of knowledge they don’t know. And they accept this, because the world they see is a vast place. No one could possibly know so much, least of all the know-it-all.

Guiding our children in the wisdom-mode of Proverbial training (see Proverbs 1–9) is the most important thing we could do—the biggest favour we do them, ourselves and the world they’ll interact with as adults. In these nine chapters of the Bible is a method of child training handed down through the ages; its method of instruction, understanding and discipline based in righteousness, justice and fairness works when implemented. If we studied this text and implemented it, fitting it to our contemporary world, we could chuck out vast libraries of information on child-rearing.

Children grow to be adults; it is simple cause and effect. If the proud, arrogant and/or ignorant child is not corrected by their parents, it will be the world’s job—then again, even the world won’t be able to correct a runaway train most of the time.

Then it will fall to God—if that be his will.

As parents we should always pray that our children’s hearts are always not only mouldable, but breakable—it is a great blessing to be soft enough to be able to be heartbroken. This might not make sense at a worldly level. It is, however, a great spiritual truth.

Only then can God—through our circumstances—make his best out of our worst. This needs to be learned in childhood as much as possible.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

PUSH

One thing we severely underestimate about ourselves and indeed others is this phenomenon of capacity.

This is that issue of life that sees one person capable of so much both in terms of quality and quantity—if there is sufficient desire of diligence powering the person. This person always sees the work to be done, not in as a de-motivating factor of life, but as meaning and purpose itself. With every task achieved with cheerful intent, this person derives a good dose of healthy self-esteem, and stacks of other spin-offs.

They’ve learned the art of pushing themselves; they’re learners and doers. They learn in their doing.

There is a positive thing about being situationally driven, knowing and being able to implement the Sabbath Rest anytime desired, and this, to enhance the work. Rest is the cream on the work-cake.

People who can readily vacillate from the typical Type “A” modus operandi to Type “B,” and adapt and be comfortable as such are living exemplars of wisdom. They’re not sucked into a whirlpool of extremes at either end—a constant flurry of busyness or a stale procrastination that never gets anywhere.

They live the best of both worlds—achievement and comfort.

There’s nothing quite like being ‘purpose driven’ and indeed this is God’s will for our lives; that we reap the Spiritual blessings of knowing that kindling joy of many jobs—or even simply one job—well done. This feeling wells up for us into a glorious wellbeing.

To work and then rest, reflecting on that work well done, is the windfall of life. I recall as a tradesperson cleaning my work area thoroughly every Friday afternoon, taking such pride in it. To look back admiring my work as I left for the weekend generated much joy—not to mention arriving back on a Monday, good to go!

Life is a thing to be enjoyed—at all times. There’s no point seeing parts of our lives, and particularly our work, as drudgery. As soon as we accept that we’re designed to chase a purpose, the penny drops. CLUNK!

Let us work hard whilst we have a chance and then truly be able to reflect over our good work, enjoying that too.

Try this: next time you’re feeling jaded and unmotivated, push yourself with willpower. You’ll be amazed what you’ll power through.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

Dealing Effectively with Uncertainty

“Every possession and every happiness is but lent by chance for an uncertain time, and may therefore be demanded back the next hour.”

~Arthur Schopenhauer.

Standing at the very cusp of time is a thing we’ve all become masters of. Do we ever really comprehend what that’s about?

Do we ever realise that the instant we don’t keep pace with time is the instant we pass from this life to the next? I’m not sure if any of us can truly get a handle on that reality. It’s an example of the uncertainty we all face—perhaps the most graphic and most significant example.

I’m most sure you’ll relate with this. There are times when life is so good—enjoying a holiday, weekend or some other time-extended freedom—I’d just like to bottle it, staying in that moment... and yet, a weird thing then happens—whenever I “entrap” the moment the bliss ebbs certainly away!

I’ve found all I can do is enjoy the moments like these and know that once they’re gone and the drudgery returns—as it inevitably does, it’ll only be a relatively short time again until the high time of freedom and bliss returns; again, only for a moment.

It is a great blessing to turn-over to the truth that Schopenhauer presents above. Whilst on the surface of it uncertainty seems bewildering, scary and a hellish tease, it actually facilitates momentary thankfulness, for we can only “thank” these ways, in the moment, for the moment.

As mentioned at the top of the article, standing at the cusp of time is an awkward reality. It’s historical, factual, entirely truthful—we’re part of the “living” right now. We’re not these pretend creatures living a dream. We are in what I like to term, ‘live time.’

The greatest truth we can ever get our minds around is this fact: possessions, happiness and uncertainty must merely be accepted for what they are—the former two transitory and the latter a certainty; a condition of life.

When we finally arrange our thinking around the pure facts we can’t change, in a sense accommodating them, we reap an almost magical transformation in our mode of living.

Dealing effectively with uncertainty is simply—at its beginning and foundation—recognition of the blessing it is just to be alive.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.

SWITCH-HITTER

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

~Viktor Frankl.

A powerful principle of the effective life lived, especially these haggard days, is utilising all the available variations of human skill at the disposal of the person. This is that ability to chop and change games, the mind controlling the cadence and direction of life, or certainly reacting effectively to it.

The wisest of practitioners will anticipate slight or even dramatic shifts of situational foci—as games change they’re nimble and agile enough to hit the ground running.

The successful person of this century—and any century for that matter—can adapt. They can improvise. And they can overcome.

David Bowie, U2 and Madonna were all famous for re-inventing themselves at crucial, career-threatened times; and so it is for us. We must both anticipate change and accept it, especially when it comes without warning. This sort of anticipation is rooted in the knowledge of shifting ground.

It is the anticipation of anticipation. It expecting things when we least expect them.

“When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.”

~Stanislaw Lec.

We must find the right times and right ways to do the different thing.

And if there’s one thing worse than the best time of it, it’s the time hailed when it’s over. Reaching the top of our joy means we can only slide a little farther down. We so easily forget—or perhaps we’re not even aware—that we can just as quickly go on to the higher revelation.

When do we ever reach more than a small fraction of our potential?

Switch-hitting is about playing the right shot, choosing the right move, the perfect tactic, for the moment. It’s about choosing to change and not getting into positions where we’re forced to change. Being challenged to change is different to being forced.

Only you can tell when or how. Let’s pray for insight regarding perception of the shifting ground and for courage to be decisive.

© 2010 S. J. Wickham.