Life ought to teach us: entitlement serves neither ourselves nor others.
Entitlement seems more a problem these days than ever. But it has always been around. It ruins relationships and lives. It is a system of living where there are only losers.
Even the entitled lose.
It seems obvious that those on
the receiving end of entitlement lose.
But the entitled also lose.
One of the aims of this article is to convince the entitled person that the humbler the life the better. Whilst most humble people are genuinely altruistic, humility can be a selfish choice. At least if humility is self-serving, and others are considered, even if the heart isn’t right, some respect for empathy is given.
ENTITLEMENT FOR THE WOULD-BE PONDERER
The question that might linger on the intelligent mind is, “Is there an advantage in engaging an entitled mindset?” It’s a serious question. If there’s no advantage to entitlement, why would an intelligent person engage in it?
Getting inside the mind of an entitled person is trick in and of itself. What motivates someone bent on narcissism? What lies behind the lack of empathy that exploits people and situations within the entitled mindset?
Whilst it might seem that we get ahead
when we act entitled, we fall behind.
Trust in relationships is diminished or destroyed as the adversarial system takes precedence in the hands of the one who insists on the control of setting the agenda. When one person must be considered to the exclusion of all others’ genuine needs and wants, the injustice soon becomes palpable.
Entitlement conveys an agenda where only one, or only those who are important to one, matter. It is a cancer to relationships. Entitlement makes relationships toxic, and they become like cancerous cells that metastasise. In the presence of entitlement, relationships die.
Entitlement undermines everything good in relationships, where humility would build rapport and trust, and strengthen bonds of intimacy that would endure a lifetime.
CONTRASTING HUMILITY WITH ENTITLEMENT
Humility truly is the winning edge. In demonstrating a heart and an agenda where others and the whole are central to one’s motivation, the light of such a prerogative radiates rays of peace into all the lives humility touches.
The humble way is the inspiring way.
Humility gives itself away
realising it cannot keep anything.
Humility exudes peace but entitlement projects anxiety.
Humility builds strength whereas
entitlement weakens the resolve of the strongest.
Even though it appears to involve inherent sacrifice, humility delivers a leading edge to one’s life over the long haul, because it serves ALL lives.
ENTITLEMENT IS A NEMESIS TO EVERYONE
What would compel a person who entertains entitlement as a modus operandi to revisit their approach? They would revise it only if they entertained the concept that it might not deliver the rewards they think it might.
The entitled person’s “wisdom”
is short-sighted and a proven folly.
Make no mistake,
entitlement is a nemesis to us all.
~
“POCKET ENTITLEMENT”
In his 2015 book, The Entitlement Cure, Dr. John Townsend coined the phrase “pocket entitlement.” It applies to every single one of us. Every single one of us bears a sense of entitlement in a pocket (or three) of our lives.
None of us is saved this indignity
against ourselves and others.
Pocket entitlements occur in pockets of the lives of those who would ordinarily be viewed as humble. Maybe a humble person is 90 percent humble. Within that remaining 10 percent there are situations where, when pushed, the person becomes prideful and demanding.
A lot of outwardly humble people are
humble in their external lives,
yet somewhat entitled in their private life.
We all have a part of our lives where we are just us.
None of us genuinely humble
all the time in all circumstances.
It’s incumbent on us to exhibit the humility to be honest about this. Nobody can say they are genuinely open to personal growth unless they are open to explore these areas.
An exercise that Townsend suggests we undertake is for us to take a study in the word, “deserve.” Those committed to personal growth might simply complete the sentence, “I deserve...”
When I undertook a 6-month journey in this endeavour from March 2016 I found there were three things I demanded when they were deprived of me. Without these three things I could and would act entitled—it was my pocket entitlement.
Of course, we all have human needs and human rights. It is not a problem of entitlement to NEED these things. Where entitlement comes in is when we demand these things in a certain way that affects our relationships.
I commend to you to reflect on this for a time. Hold it in your thoughts and prayers for a month or two. Think on and complete the sentence, “I deserve...”
What is it that you “deserve” in that you demand
it in a way that can damage or destroy a relationship?
The reality is, whilst we all have needs and desires,
an attitude of deserving is at the root of all entitlement.
If only we can arrive at a place where we genuinely accept
that we deserve nothing, life begins from that place.
Life begins anew from a foundation of gratitude
—the opposite of entitlement.
Humility breeds and exudes gratitude.
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