It is hard to understand mental health struggles. An additional challenge is others may completely misunderstand us, our situation, what we need, etc. This is especially painful because it comes at a time and situation where we have the least amount of cognitive function, insight, and energy to deal with such challenges.
First and foremost, what we need most in order to reconcile the above the best we can in our limited capacity is to understand how pervasive judgement is and reduce it as much as we can.
Judgement, whether it’s from within, perceived from others, or actually received from others, is like a toxin to our mental health and to our recovery. Essentially, when we struggle with our mental health, our defences are down.
When our defences are down, we are even more susceptible to the emotional and spiritual body blows that delay our recovery. And it’s a vicious cycle, because at the time we can least afford to be struck, is the time we are most likely to be struck.
When a person is in the midst of a personal crisis, they often seem to battle most with their harsh inner critic. This cutting and condemning voice can be relentless in its pursuit of our confidence. It seems to notice everything that we think, say, and do wrong. And it doesn’t account for factors that would speak to our defence. Confidence plummets.
We may also project this inner critic of judgements regarding our relationships and living situations and imagine everything and everyone is judging us. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Can you see how challenging the inner, most visceral environment is amid mental health struggles?
What I’m hoping to achieve in this article is not only empathy for your struggle, but to show you and anyone who reads this just how bewildering mental health struggles can be. It’s not until you arrive at such a place that you recognise just how confounding it can be. I’ll never forget the psychologist I counselled 10 years ago who arrived at depression for the first time in his life at the age of 50. Once he had recovered, his passions shifted from the psychology of exercise science to the psychology of keeping men and women alive. We just do not know until we know.
Suffering teaches us that there are some circumstances over which we have no control.
And when we have lived lives where we seemed to be in control, where we weren’t ever assailed by the harpoons of loss, or change, or betrayal, or grief, or trauma, we had no bearing for the kind of living situation that many find themselves suddenly plunged into.
Not to take your agency away from you, but I’m saying it as it is because this truth is grounded in reality. We never consider it a gift to suffer, but to have our eyes opened to the possibilities of trauma beyond our control is truly a gift of awareness. Our capacities of empathy expand.
If you’re in that place, or you can cast your mind back to when you were, I’m sure you can see how damaging it is to feel or be judged enter self-judge.
Whenever you’re in the throes of the dark night of the soul, grappling for hope and on a wing and a prayer by faith, rather than judging yourself, you ought to see how courageous you really are. I know, I know, you’ll probably say it feels impossible, because of that berating voice in your head and heart.
That’s why I’m hoping these words are something you can read to be reminded. You’re striding over sacred ground. A future version of yourself will praise you for the poise you have right now as you battle to recover.
Finally, be aware of judging yourself for judging yourself. Just go gently ought to be the way.
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