It’s incredibly difficult to reconcile how to respond to and deal with a narcissist until we recognise how they think. Besides how befuddled we may be in countering their deviance, it does help to explore the mind of a person bent on evil.
Surprise, surprise, from all walks of life, there are such people in this life!
I think many of us who see the capacities of evil as temptation, knowing to avoid those places for fear of hurting others and dire consequences that we ourselves might suffer, ward against that place, only slipping into it by fault of our imperfect humanity.
But with the person who lives completely for themselves, it’s a lot different. It’s said that this person is 1-in-100, but I think in reality it’s probably more like 5-in-100. So it’s not everybody.
A narcissist sharpens their utilisation of exploitation, and they may even use feigned empathy as a tool, weaponised against the vulnerable, to have their way. The more shocking the betrayal, the more self-satisfied they are that they outwitted a person who is clearly not in their league. And to stay one step ahead of accountability only fortifies the challenge. They believe strongly that they’re too smart to be caught, and even if they were they have full faith they’ll dupe the process or find clever loopholes.
When a narcissist is called manipulative, he or she might think, “Well, thank you for recognising too late that I outthought you,” all the while duplicitous enough to bark their innocence and mar the memory or witness of the victim by gaslighting them. So, don’t go there. Don’t give them the satisfaction that you see what they’re doing. Keep them wondering. Keep building your case.
When a narcissist engages in deflection, their mind is saying to themselves, “Wow, look at you go! You got them on the run now. There’s no catching me here.” In terms of deflection, anything that’s open is fair game. That’s a broad field! No wonder the other person in the relationship doesn’t stand a chance. So, don’t play that game with them. It’s only satisfaction to them, frustration to you. Expect deflection and rise above it by not being tempted to engage.
When a narcissist isolates you, don’t be surprised. In expecting it—in being silenced, or in being sidelined and separated from what’s important to you—they exert control by coercion. But a narcissist can only coerce the person who cares enough to grieve the loss. Of course, it hurts. The more you show it hurts, the more satisfied they are. Don’t give them that if you can help it.
When a narcissist intimidates you—and you know it by how you feel about any manner of their controlling you that aggresses you—there are one of two responses, or even both at the same time. Part of us wants to escape the attack, as we feel our entire constitution crumbling, often because it’s intimidating, humiliating, and triggering. But then another part of us wants to resist and fight back—like, how dare they! This can also be because we’re triggered by amygdala hijack. Neither running away or fighting back works. The only way that works is by neither escaping nor fighting back. It takes a lot of strength to sit there, and a lot of training and courage to face the attack without being intimidated.
When a narcissist acts entitled, see that their thinking places them there above everybody else, even if those that serve their cause are given preferential treatment. The fact is they’re in control, which is all that matters to them. In their own minds, a world under their control is the way it ought to be.
When a person behaves in submission to the narcissist’s controlling tactics, the narcissist is affirmed in their ‘strength’, for they have no moral compass for the belittling they do. But when someone attacks the attack of the narcissist, there is an indignant response in them, for the narcissist feels entitled to complete respect, even awe, even though they have no respect at a core level for anyone unless that person aligns with their demand that they be reverenced.
Now all this can come on a bit strong. A lot of this is under the surface in many of our lives if we see it indirectly, and it only comes to the surface circumstantially. That’s why it’s impossible to catch a narcissist in full flight. They’re too smart for that! They have the audacity of, “Catch me if you can,” and they cannot help toying with minds they deem are fragile.
This article is only running at a bit over 800 words. It’s a glimpse into a world that is foreign to so many of us. The threat of an article like this, however, is it equips narcissists to ‘skill-up’ in their abuse of others. My intent, however, is to give you access to their mind so you can retain your own control in situations where you’re vulnerable.
Photo by ksenia-makagonova-9y6oH2qHai0-unsplash-2
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