Probably not the sexiest title, but one all the same that highlights the importance of not wasting time in counselling—the time might as well be put to good use, provided feelings are accessed in safe ways, which is crucial in that it is ‘therapy’.
Reviewing a psychiatry text from when I did my graduate studies, it talks about catharsis—from the Greek—meaning, purging. It’s the process of experiencing pent-up emotions and becoming curious about what came up.
In this fearless enquiry into what occurred, even within what we’d call ‘triggering’, there’s the potential to grow beyond the self-constraining limits of, “Oh, I won’t go there, because I’m scared it will harm me.” The reverse possibility exists. You may not even purge and therefore you might stagnate when you could’ve risked and grown past the fear.
I remember working with a guy who, without fail, experienced very strong emotions—bitter and guilty tears—each and every session. When we did a particularly heavy and gruelling session—one designed to go up to a few hours—he experienced painful release for several weeks afterward.
I think we were both worried that something was wrong, but we both trusted the spiritual and psychic process, and along with some pastoral care (he trusted me unequivocally), it all resolved over a month or two. And he didn’t look back.
Psychotherapies can be lifegiving while also painful, because purging those memories, feeling those feelings, isn’t easy. But in safety, at a pace set by and comfortable to the client, enormous emotional and spiritual growth can come—again, simply by release.
We’d think catharsis was just another way of saying it’s positive. But catharsis literally means purging or releasing, and so many of us want opportunities to purge or release something; a hurt, a hang-up, a habit—and the feelings that abide that we wish didn’t.
The process of psychotherapy, therefore, is underpinned by trust sufficient to surrender to what needs to be inherently safe. There’s nothing hazardous in experiencing our emotions in a safe therapeutic environment.
That’s the caveat you see. There are charlatans around who might mess with your head and heart for their own schadenfreude. But those who are committed to serving your best interests can be trusted, because specifically, they’ll work slowly, respecting your limits.
We were all called to live an abundant life. We cannot face such a life until the baggage we carry around is sufficiently dealt with. It’s worth trusting our resilience to a bit of pain, and in some cases trusting a process that stretches us to (but obviously not beyond) capacity.
Just think, the experience of purging, if nothing else, shows us what we can endure, and it shows us we can bear pain. Rather than focus on the pain, we can focus on the strength we show in bearing it.
Again, and I can’t stress this enough, the pace of the work, and how hard to lean in, must be set by the one who is vulnerable. They know when too much is too much. The counsellor’s responsible for checking in and respecting the client’s limits.
As we practice experiencing feelings, we learn our limits, even as we test our limits—pushing up to them, again not beyond them. Where the fear is, is also where the growth is.
Just be sure you’re confident you’re in safe hands, and it can take a while to figure that out.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
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