Take the scenario of hearing of a tragedy that leaves you reeling in response. It’s close and it’s personal. How you feel and how you deal with it will be as unique as you are.
This is what I’d want to say if I were having a conversation with you, but I would actually be focusing on listening to you, so I would hope to communicate these things subtly through the conversation.
In any event, these are the things I’d want you to know.
I would want to say some things about what you might be feeling. You will probably feel shocked, and because of that, you might actually feel nothing.
You might be feeling guilty for not feeling much at all. I can’t tell you that you shouldn’t, but what you feel or don’t feel isn’t your fault.
You could be overwhelmed with the news and not be able to get it out of your mind. A preoccupied mind is a very common thing within the early stages of grief, and anytime really where concerns are too intense to manage.
You might also be feeling bad perhaps for a range of other reasons that we can discuss here — but if you feel they are too personal I would want to say that my interest is to keep you safe. That you shouldn’t feel under pressure to communicate anything. Say and do what comes naturally. And try not to judge yourself as being right or wrong.
I would want to say to you that anything you’re feeling, whilst it may be yucky, all-consuming of you, horrendous or downright confusing; whatever you’re feeling, it is normal. I wish there was a better or different way. Unfortunately, there isn’t.
What you’re experiencing is a grief process, which you may not be acquainted with, and even if you know grief, this particular tragedy may trigger unexpected responses.
What one person feels will be completely different to what another person feels.
If you’re not directly affected in the tragedy, it will still impact you quite a bit at this time. If the tragedy affects you directly, your losses will involve you in an extended period of grief. Know that while the grief process is arduous, you will get through it. Take comfort if you can in that thought.
One thing I don’t think is a good idea at this time is to get distracted on the details of the incident, unless you’re directly involved in reconciling them. It is much more helpful to deploy your energies on your mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing.
With that I would want you to open up and share if you can. It doesn’t need to be about anything particularly; I wouldn’t want you to feel under any pressure. If you would prefer to stay silent that is okay. If you would want to speak about what you’ve been up to, that too is okay. I’d be happy to sit with you in the silence, but only if that was okay for you.
You might want to know how you can pray. You might want to discuss how to experience God’s comforting presence at this time. You might have questions about what you’re feeling; please, I would want you to trust this space if you can and to ask them. If you feel awkward about anything, I would be happy to chat with you later about it if need be, but no pressure. I would want you to feel that I am there for you.
The one thing I would want you to know is keep safe. Do what you can to be gentle with yourself, and to be patient with your feelings. Take life one day and one moment at a time.
Photo by Ryan Parker on Unsplash
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