In a commitment-free world, what makes the most difference in life is freedom from obligation, not that there’s anything wrong with obligation. We must choose what we really want to be obligated to—like to our marriage partner, for instance.
We are stepping into a realm of time where people are truly suspicious of the strings.
Those things that hold us and bind us and represent bondage and control. One of the best features of living at this time is we have the freedom to say, “No, I won’t be controlled by you, or you, or you.”
This is what I’m learning to apply in my relationships. I see it in the ones who are close who appear to bring me the most amount of joy, because they don’t REQUIRE anything of me. It’s obvious, however, that if I wish to give, I can. I know how. I know what will bless this person or that. And because I can give, I want to give.
Even astoundingly in line relationships, say in workplaces, much more is achieved when we don’t use our positional power. We don’t need to. We can be kind and communicative instead. It’s just about appreciating the role we play. Asserting power is unnecessary when it’s clear we simply have a role to perform.
Life is an absolute gift where there is no obligation and only love; where we’re able to give out of the leading of our hearts, and where people cannot or do not choose to require anything of us, and we’re prepared ourselves to extend that grace to others.
This is not to say we should be scared of commitment. We still need to be people who can commit to marriage, to our career, to loving people unconditionally, to learning throughout our lifespan. We prosper best when we commit to doing all facets of life well.
We need to be very well aware these days of the obligations people and situations place on us. The more obligated we are from the viewpoint that we didn’t choose it, the more we will find we lack empowerment and agency. It affects our mental and spiritual health.
When people require things of us, whether it’s an arrangement or time or resources, if we’re not fully and inwardly committed, it’s a drain. When institutions require things of us, it can leave us dejected and bitter.
We can trust the people, the systems, the circumstances and the institutions that want nothing from us. Especially where they do have a claim on us, but they insist on behaving with a gracious decorum that transcends the contract. They are not a threat if they allow us to exist without demand. They can be trusted if we feel we have nothing to lose. They can be trusted if we feel there is always the benefit of the doubt given. They can be trusted where the rulebook isn’t applied, especially when we know a rulebook exists.
Indeed, it’s the people and institutions that will let us be, who are the most trustworthy, because they pose no threat.
The more self-aware we become regarding the subtle and not-so-subtle demands people place on us the better.
Where people do place onerous demands on us, that’s the place for boundaries.
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