THIS cannot be an article about hope — where hurts sting through tear-swollen eyes, a mind agonizing, a heart defeated — at least not a flippant hope.
It’s okay. It’s not okay that your heart is hurting. But it is okay that you cannot hope right now. It is okay that you cannot face thought of present, let alone the future.
It is okay to feel defeated when all is not okay.
It is okay to not feel guilty when you feel numb.
It is okay to feel guilty that you don’t feel guilty.
It is okay not to know where to turn, what to do, even how to breathe. It’s not okay, but it is okay.
As we wrestle with pain that torments the moment in myriads of ways, as we search ourselves over and over, only to keep finding nothing, as we are faced with reminders of our helpless reality, we are forgiven for wanting to give up.
Yes, forgiven. God understands. He who lives with you, in you, and knows you even as you know yourself, knows you even when you don’t know yourself. He knows your possibilities, even as He knows your purposes and plans. It is easy for God to hope for you. But it is not easy for you to know. It is something we can only, and are best to, accept.
The only way we can agree with God regarding the possibilities He has for us — those possibilities we cannot possibly know — is to live hopefully, in faith, trusting Him that He is good. There is no other way than faith.
And yet, in hurt our pride can take a while to succumb to the needs of reality. It’s okay to feel hurt, we just cannot remain there. The time comes to resolve again in faith that we will venture forward, however hard that seems right now, with fresh courage.
It takes humility to make that jump. It takes honesty to emerge from death to hope for life.
Yet just one step forward is blessed to be the hardest of all. Once it is made subsequent steps are easier.