DIVERSITY of experience is the
fullness of life. We will all grieve losses at various points in our lives. Here’s
one glimpse into ours. One that took us by surprise early one recent evening.
Sitting at the kitchen table, a bizarre
conversation takes place.
Our four-year-old, without understanding
what he’s saying, says playfully, “I want to kill you, Dad.” One of us said, “That’s
not very nice. If Dad dies he can’t come back…”
Suddenly, our son paused and then
he broke down saying, “I want Nathanael to come back and he can’t come back.”
We looked at each other not really knowing what to do other than sit there with
him. His sobbing was intense for a minute or so, but he was soon placated and
redirected emotionally. He also had a similar emotional reaction a day or so
after, and it seemed that he was missing not having a younger sibling as many
of his peers do.
Grief is a confusing subject for a
four-year-old, obviously. It seems that at his age and stage it’s the issue of
having a younger sibling that is poignant at present. Because some of his
schoolmates have younger siblings, he has made the connection that he had a
younger sibling but no longer does. He misses what he never had.
When it comes to Nathanael, it
seems our four-year-old initiates conversation a lot more than we do. We don’t
avoid it, but he is talked about more often than we plan to talk about him. And
this aspect of not having a younger sibling is the current nuance of grief that
our four-year-old is transitioning through.
Our son is learning to live with
grief in stages at his own pace. And he will grow in understanding with our
support.
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