One thing they never tell you about loss

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THERE are so many dynamics and nuances and variables in loss. But one thing remains the same. Grief is a phenomenon that changes us irrevocably.

And there is but one choice — to go in the direction of one of two destinations: to move into the new life beckoning or to stifle its flow. Inevitably, even as we move willingly into that new life, there are also many days when we cannot and will not move forward. Indeed, we could not. And yet, grace permitted growth on freer days.

One thing about loss is inevitable. We must move. We cannot remain the same.

This article is about this solitary idea:

Loss feels like the end when truly it qualifies us to begin.

Of course, loss is something we never desire and can only detest. Why me? Why this? How this? When will this nightmare be over? How long, O Lord? Why do so many around me have no idea? What did I do wrong? Why this loneliness? When will the pain finally abate?

Loss feels like the end. It feels like life should not be this bad. Unconscionable pain.

A cosmic collision of emotional meteorites. Inherent unpredictability. Scary possibilities. Faint hope, if ever. Despair lurking. The end, favourable.

So many know these states of being. Loss is crushing.

But few it seems know the power entwined in the second part of the idea. Few other than those who accept the things that can only change.

Loss forces the abandonment of what no longer works. We’re forced to find a new way. We hope for a return of the peace we had, and surreptitiously God ensures we begin a quest for the new life — what we think is a return to the old. The old life no longer works, and even in mid-bargain, because we may not yet be able to accept it, we’re forced to create something new.

No one ever tells us this second part, because unless we experience it, it seems so outlandish. But it is true, alright!

Loss feels like the end when truly it qualifies us to begin.

That beginning can indeed be heaven. Not that we wouldn’t have what we lost back. We would. One thousand times so. But we see the purpose in loss when we’re compensated spiritually.

When loss gives us something we never had before, we don’t so much resent the grief as understand what God can do with it.