We all grieve differently, your grief is yours, nobody else’s

We all grieve differently.

Many people could read the material I write and conclude that they might be grieving incorrectly, because I suggest the need to be real about our emotions. The trouble with this, of course, is not everything I write caters for everyone. And at worst it could lead someone to feel they’re doing it wrong, when really, they may not be.

If a person reads what I write and it doesn’t resonate with their experience, they may also feel strongly that their process is right, and what I write may simply serve to exasperate them.

Others I know appreciate the point of view from which I write from.

All of this to say, there is no common way to grief. To feel it all or to choose not to. To allow the intrusion of past, that in faith and with time, healing will occur, or to insist on keeping moving forward. Or, any other method, for these are just two obvious ones to mention.

I can only write from my perspective, from what I see, and I definitely come from the feeling aspect. I’m not really simply a thinker and a decider. And yet there’s still so much I cannot and do not see.

This is why community is so important for all of us; so we can other perspectives. But community is only a blessing when it validates our individual experience and decisions and why we made those decisions. Community is beautiful and safe when it says, “I value your experience, your analysis of what happened to you and what you think and how you feel about it. Your perceptions matter here.”

If you normally agree with my perspective, this could be God inviting you to consider those who grieve differently.

When we go to another person we normally don’t agree with and say to them, “Please, show me your perspective...” or, “I don’t own the intellectual property on how to grieve best, and I know I can learn something from a person who does it differently...” we build relationship.

Humility warms hearts and it reduces relational distance.

The main thing that we should agree on in terms of grief is everyone ought to be validated for what they think and how they feel, and for how they’re doing their grief—because, let’s face it, we usually don’t have a choice! Those who are grieving should have the support THEY need.

As it goes for me, I have some ideas about traversing the tumultuous terrain of grief borne out of life experience, and knowledge from the studies I’ve done and the qualifications I hold—which simply demonstrates my interest in the area of mental health for over 20 years.

But I need other people with different perspectives to show me continually what God needs me to know—we all grieve differently.

Photo by Guillaume de Germain on Unsplash