The Healthy, Resigned Loneliness in Loss and Grief

Missing those departed is such a normal thing,

Memories of loss would have us reach,

To heaven in order to cling.

There’s a reason we can’t let go,

Not entirely can we release our memories,

To give them to the wind and thereby throw.

Memories of loss make life what it is,

Until we make that journey ourselves,

It’s those we’ve lost who we will miss.

***

There are notions of grief inter-latticed within the nuances of acceptance that produce an interesting meld of healthy, yet resigned loneliness in loss and grief.

We cannot help but be changed irrevocably by the death of our loved ones. The loss of our infant son merely underscores how important his life was to us. Yet everybody’s loss is equally mysterious. They are gone forever from our sight and reach.

Our memories of loss, whilst they feel they can initially choke us, will eventually and ultimately be our badges of gain and of growth and achievement.

Such memories of loss can threaten to end life as it was—indeed, this is often the case. For the afraid it’s time to take some refuge.

***

When death’s come close on by,

When loved ones become strangers,

When we breathe a solemn sigh,

Loss is tragic, we cannot deny.

Breath of life, given to hope,

Breath of life, with no strength to cope.

We miss this loved one, oh so we do,

But eternity’s gain is comprehensively true.

Not long now, it tarries not a spark,

Not long now, God will call us to light from dark.

***

We clearly have the same hope; to go our loved one’s way, such that we will one day reunite with them.

We have no idea in the meantime what that transition will look or feel like. We have no idea what is just over the horizon.

The healthy, resigned loneliness in loss and grief is the place of unparalleled acceptance. We will never like the idea that we loved and lost, but we can hope to reach a place where mention of it won’t do anything other than nurture a sense of peace within us.

What cannot be changed will never be changed. There is a sanctified dignity to that.

When we arrive in the place of the spirit where nothing can floor us we have accepted something we can never change. It’s the best we can do. God understands.

© 2015 Steve Wickham.