A Reluctant Counsellor

I dare say that anyone who has been a counsellor any length of time has not only done perhaps a power of good they have also done some harm.  

Yet, as displayed right in front of me every time I sit in my study, the Greek sentence, ektelo me blape (do no harm) reminds me of any good helper’s mandate.  

But having been a counsellor to over 50 couples, about 30 pre-marrieds, and lots of individuals, there have been a few times I learned later that I did harm.  I will face God on it one day.  None of these harms have been done with intent.  I think those I inadvertently harmed I’ve had the opportunity to reconcile with and to practice where appropriate the making of amends — committed as I am to the Twelve Steps.  

These days I’m a reluctant counsellor who goes out of my way to avoid counselling unless it’s in a church situation where as a pastor I’m asked to journey with someone to give pastoral counselling.  

It weighs on me that burden that I have placed on some others.  It would be very easy for me to say to God, “I disqualify myself.”  I’m aware that there are many times when I’ve been a blessing to people, but that’s how it’s meant to be; to do harm, for a person to feel harmed, is in my view reprehensible.  

I’ve been on the receiving end of poor therapy practice on at least one occasion.  Two issues that cropped up in that, the lack of skill of the person helping and a conflict of interest in the room.  On the whole I’ve used this experience to endeavour never to do that to anyone… but that is only one set of errors, I’ve made others.  

I’m fortunate these days to practice chaplaincy which is both therapeutic and by and large safe.  It involves my counselling skill set, but because it’s more slanted to a ministry of presence — I actually intentionally say much less — it’s safer and if anything I believe it has more efficacy.  I cannot commit to ongoing intensive pastoral care.  Thankfully most chaplaincy is not both ongoing and intensive.  

I’ll never regret the experiences I’ve had as a counsellor — many of which were both challenging and enlightening personally — and I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m thankful that I consider myself more a pastor and chaplain these days.