Funerals can be daunting. But so can an unexpected rendezvous in a shopping aisle. Or awkward silences in any environment.
Times when we clamour for the right thing to say or do when we encounter a person grieving a deep loss. It’s that social awkwardness we have all faced — if we are honest. This is because we don’t know how to manage that moment of a person before us grieving their loss, imagining that we must do or say something/anything to redeem or honour the moment.
We don’t know how to communicate with someone who is enduring deep pain we cannot connect with.
The truth is, none of us when we are honest
knows how to master that kind of moment.
We feel betwixt and between, as if doing something or not doing something will both be wrong. We feel paralysed for a response. It is all because we care. It isn’t because we don’t care. It’s so often we fail in giving care because we are fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing, whether saying or doing the wrong thing is even the thing. The thing is, we care.
Because we care, we may appear not to care.
Many times in life we are challenged by emotions we don’t know what to do with. Or how to deal with them.
It isn’t a sin to care that much that we don’t know how to show it. Being able to show we care does not necessarily mean we care more. It just means we bear more competence and confidence in the realm of the grieving.
My life has taught me that experiencing and facing the pain of one’s grief has been the best teacher for understanding another’s grief. It isn’t a person’s fault if they haven’t experienced what another person has experienced: the rawness of facing a grief that cannot be denied.
Grief teaches that there are NO words,
there is only presence.
Through presence there are words and actions that help — few words and meaningful actions. Being comfortable when a thing cannot be fixed. Knowing that the ‘fix’ is in simply being present and perhaps doing something useful that is welcomed.
In awkward situations, we don’t need to do or say anything. We understand and accept this the moment we face that there are no words to placate a person or situation.
This is how we show we care:
we face the unspeakable reality
with the grieving person encountered.
We don’t try to deny their reality.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice,
mourn with those who mourn.”
ROMANS 12:15
How do you deal with grief if it over takes being able to function. I've had loss and am having trouble focusing on anything else. It's making me physically sick. Mentally torture. I'm trying to hard to pray and think of times to look forward too. It just hurts so much I can't do anything except cry. Praying makes me cry. I'm just so overwhelmed with pain of loss. Having such a hard time coping.
ReplyDelete