In my line of work it’s a regular thing to have people come say to me, “Forgive me for being a burden... (or) for being silly.” The interesting thing is I don’t think these sorts of people are a burden at all, and they certainly are not silly.
Those who are inclined to think they are a burden are generally very caring types—when they mean what they say about being a burden. They may know you can help, but all the same they feel uncomfortable that they may have exacted too much from you, or extracted too much from the transaction.
Those who feel they have been silly, on the other hand, might have self-esteem issues. They feel uncomfortable being the slightest bit weak—in a public forum where at least one other knows the unction of affliction in their heart.
We burden ourselves too much when we feel we have burdened others too much; especially those who are paid, and no less, called, to care.
Having someone else apologise to us to the point that no matter how they apologise they won’t forgive themselves is such a tragedy. They have done the restitution, but they can’t experience the grace of God—and power for healing—because they, themselves, block its passage.
It’s such a waste, for nobody gets anywhere when one person refuses to receive the forgiveness God has ordained for them.
But a deeper problem underlies this situation.
Long ago, in the fathomless past, lies the shaming ghosts of bygone eras that continue to arise within a person. We could be an octogenarian, making sure heading for dementia, to realise that these swarming ghosts of the soul are horrendous in their impact, even now.
Our unreconciled pasts—when they remain untackled—can very well disturb the cadence of our futures; it too often occurs that way. What we cannot deal with infests us. When we leave emotional problems as they are—sure evidence of cognitive issues—the geophysical plates of our spiritual foundation shift under considerable seismic pressure.
We—all of us—are blessed so very much when we wrangle with our pasts in order that our pasts might make steady way for a better future.
The contented person is able to fully receive power for healing in God’s forgiving grace. There is no need to continue to feel we have been silly or a burden to someone. We are all masters of making mistakes and of going emotionally awry. It’s okay. Perfection is nonsense.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.