Musing with a friend recently about growth over the lifespan, I was given to think of something I’ve always said in terms of loss — when we lost Nathanael, I always felt I gained something from him. We lost him in 2014. Then when I lost my mother in 2022, I had the same feeling; I felt she had given me something.
From a macro viewpoint as I look over my life from the life-changing point in 2003 to now, 2022 onward has been a sustained period of something vastly different than the previous 19-year period.
I was probably coming into something of a renaissance before Mum died, and apart from grieving her death, I was given something special as a compensation. Mum and I had talked many times about life after her death, and I had recited her favourite Psalm 23 many times with her. Mum was at peace with her death as anyone could be.
Retaining continued bonds with those loved ones we lose is crucial. And I think this idea is an extension of that idea: that our loved ones add something to us in leaving us. It doesn’t need to be quantified ‘what’ that is. I rationalise it as a spiritual gift.
What if that were true? What if it was that those who leave us in the physical world as they depart over the cusp into eternity gave us something — an intangible positive something. What if we felt that? Adds to our joy and gratitude, and certainly gives us peace.
What was added to me from Nathanael and Mum may have been re-doubled by them both. Mum lost my sister Debbie to stillbirth in 1973 and grieved her hard for decades. When we lost Nathanael, I saw something heal in Mum. She always believed she would re-connect with both Debbie and Nathanael in heaven.
It has helped me accept that I no longer have Nathanael and Mum to know that they have both given me something. It may be that it is God that has given me something to compensate for these losses. The main thing to understand is this is something either to be believed or not. Believe and we prosper in gratitude, refuse to believe and we receive no peace.
