Over a lifetime, inescapable sorrows are gathered. The pain produced wreaks havoc, scattering
hope, vanquishing lives.
Yet beyond varietals of denial and resentment there are the
third-way varietals of peace to be gleaned as the sorrow gatherings are embraced
for the fact that they ‘are’ (inescapable).
Beyond a place of our controlling them – we can’t – we rest in
the acceptance of unacceptable circumstances beyond our control. Such an acceptance is wisdom for we have no
other way of moving forward and ahead by faith into a destiny that chose us –
for we did not, and never would, choose it.
But in choosing to go with a new normal,
something more wonderful becomes us.
Life in the long run – the purpose of sustaining life no less –
is to receive each circumstance beyond our control with a grace that absorbs
and therein honours the pain of it.
Such a process is not hard,
but it is NOT our human default.
We typically are hurt by pain.
The process of absorbing pain brings with it a benefit as it
deepens the heart and we enjoy a deeper spirituality within our humanity. What seems a curse is destined as a blessing.
Sadness, truthfully, is beautiful. What might seem bizarre and even abhorrent is
no less true. It is an ancient fact of
human experience written about by the mystics to a thousand years ago, and
ancients much further back than that.
As we embrace our sorrows,
our anger is healed.
Griefs gather as we age,
but ageing is not a foe.
Our purpose as we age is to
grow in grace – to grow and not to rescind.
Too many people kick against the goads, but just as much we can
find our best life post-50. I can tell
you my happiest years are in the second half, yet the paradox is it’s my first
half being healed that brings me most joy.
And it’s because I’ve learned the spiritual truth that this life
holds nothing but pain, yet somehow that very pain is but the key that unlocks
the door to the real joys of a life more abundant than most realise.
VARIETALS OF DENIAL AND RESENTMENT
The saddest reality of life is how many people never live the
full life they could have lived.
Too many people are trapped in the varietals of denial and
resentment. In my AA days 20 years ago,
I so often heard it said, “Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.”
Addiction is a bypassing of the pain that is better meant to
heal us. In addiction, both denial and
resentment run out of control – all because the pain seemed too hard and too
much. The cycles of escape and anger
should be their own evidence of the wrong path.
Pain is merely the antecedent of healing.
Denial and resentment are two undesirable ways of dealing with
pain. We are forgiven for trying these
two ways out – getting ensconced in them.
They are the world’s ways, how almost everyone responds without thought.
A THIRD WAY
There is a third way, and that way is key. That third way of taking the pain INTO
oneself.
When we take grief in all its confrontingness, it overwhelms us. It takes us to a desperate place, a place
where we are destined to reach out – if we are not afraid of others’ reactions.
My emphatic exhortation here is,
GO with all you have INTO this third way.
When we open ourselves to a fearless journey of partying with
the painful truths of our lives, those very pains prove their healing property
as we endure them.
And that healing property is our hearts grow supple and
vulnerable, more easily broken with compassionate empathy in the common bedrock
of a symphony of pain that this life is made up of.
All of life opens up to us when we are no longer afraid of
having our hearts broken.
This article was inspired by The Pretenders, Back on the
Chain Gang. I played this song on
repeat as I wrote this. Long live music
like this!
