Holding my deceased son and
standing amid the conflict of a marriage that was ending were not the most
excruciating of times of my life. But pain has been hardest to bear in the
lonely, nothing moments, when reality bore strongly, overwhelming my ability to
think or function; when my heart felt it would implode for the feelings I
couldn’t hold, let alone contain.
These quiet moments my soul did scream!
It’s in the quiet moments
where attack is devastatingly real.
where attack is devastatingly real.
Quiet moments are where chaos reigns.
Quiet moments as these render
our and others’ best efforts useless.
our and others’ best efforts useless.
Moments as these are when we search
most desperately for answers that will assuage the torment and provide hope. Yet,
the paradox is, in accepting that the answers are beyond us, we cannot bear to
lose hope, for that reality is truly
unbearable. Yes, there is something even worse to imagine beyond our experience
of the worst: that there is no answer — no
way through this. That is a thought that will send us to our end.
But there is
a way through!
Even if we cannot access it right now.
Even if we cannot access it right now.
I hope it doesn’t sound too
flippant to say that suffering draws us closer to God. That has certainly been
my reality. And I hope it is or can be yours. That is the way that God won
himself to me. It was when my life was no longer manageable that, from the
abyss of despair I reached heavenward for God, and finally recognised God’s
hand reaching down to me in the pit, to lift me slowly out of it, even if it
wasn’t immediate relief. And the miracle of our encounter with God when one
life is ended is that we are ultimately more than ready for a new life to
begin. That, essentially, is the salvation experience.
How is it that God can use a
situation that was procured to bury us and use it for our resurrection? Even
after over 15 years, I still don’t know how to answer that question. An answer
is not the point. The point is the answer does come. In God’s time. And
certainly, within the realm of reflection.
But the answers we receive are rarely, if ever,
the answers we expect to receive.
the answers we expect to receive.
Within our finite perception, God
indwells us eventually with an unanticipated reality that makes good sense in
its own time. But the answers don’t come in deepest pain. And although the
answers don’t come in deepest pain, they do come out of the context of that
pain. We find our answers are indwelt with meaning not despite the pain but because of the pain.
God doesn’t teach us key principles
of his character and faithfulness within the pain, but as we get through it,
his character and faithfulness are reinforced because of the pain we endured
because we had to.
Do we hope for answers in the
depths of anguish? We do hope. But ironically, it’s the hope of receiving those
answers sometime in the future that keeps us plying our faith in the interim.
It’s the promise that keeps us going until it
is fulfilled.
And that’s enough as we look back.
And that’s enough as we look back.
And that is the miracle of the
learning journey called faith. We never arrive. We are kept humble. And in
being in this place where we bear pain, we are prevented from becoming
conceited. Of course, the apostle Paul talks about this in Second
Corinthians chapter 12.
We live and work and have our
existence in this life, in this 21st-century day, in a world that is moving
away from gospel truth. Yet, just as much as ever does the world need this
message of hope within pain. The enigma is how to meet the world need, when we
live in a world that is so opposed to the scandalous message of the cross.
There is a good chance
that there are some reading this
who are having their worst days ever.
Days such as these
are unprecedented in our experience.
that there are some reading this
who are having their worst days ever.
Days such as these
are unprecedented in our experience.
Truth would have it that we have no
comprehension life could ever get this
bad. We want it over. And so we balance on a trapeze with these divergent
realities within grasp; some that are truly dark, that should never be thought,
but often in these situations are, and some are truly full of light, that hold
out hope for a day to come.
When in pain,
though the answers don’t come,
hold out hope that they will.
though the answers don’t come,
hold out hope that they will.
It is my experience that they do.
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