Reflections on 10 Years of Dad-Daughter Dates

“She’s way-too-young for him,” we have often seen in the eyes of café patrons. We laugh, of course. It’s our little joke that they don’t get what we’re about. But when they do, we can tell they get it.

It’s bizarre in a way that I get to bring another child up in my son, also having three adult children in their twenties. There was a time as a parent, years ago, when I thought all my school drop-offs and pick-ups were done. Now, there are another dozen years to go. I’m more at peace with that than ever.

As I’ve had the privilege of dating my three daughters together, or more nowadays (since 2004) one-on-one, I’ve learned so much about them, simply listening to them, journeying with them as they traverse their lives. Each of their lives is so different. Each of their lives has had different challenges.

I’m sure each of my daughters laughs when they imagine how their dates with me start. “So, how’s life?” would probably be the question that starts the process each time. We enjoy coffee or a shake and a meal, whether breakfast, lunch or dinner. Each of my daughters and I have had our favourite place to meet, and occasionally I get the chance to pray with them.

We discuss their personal life (as much as they want to share), their hopes and aspirations, their partnered relationships and friendships, how they’re getting on with the rest of the family members, and their studies and work. We have a laugh but there is space for sadness and anxiety as well.

The point is they own the space that as father I’m so thankfully blessed to provide.

Amazing, isn’t it, when we reflect.

These dates with my daughters —
the babies I held and changed
and fed and rocked to sleep,
the girls I did school parent help with
and guided their homework they had to complete,
these young women I helped teach to drive,
the ladies who now have autonomous lives —
these dates… they’re one of the highlights of my life.

Hundreds of them have been enjoyed. And I’ve learned so much. Indeed, as I ‘travelled with’ my eldest daughter, God showed me how he wanted me to journey with everyone who seeks me out.

I have my wife to thank for opening space in our calendar for these precious events. She saw the need early on. And even though she misses out to free me up to go out and be involved with intention in my daughter’s lives, she believes deeply in the process.

These children we have are a gift from God, and we should know it, because we ourselves are children. We are all vulnerable and in much need of love, and it’s a parent’s job to provide that love.