LET
ME share with you about my experiences of coming to experience God.
It
was out of brokenness that I fell to my knees, weeping uncontrollably, praying
that believer’s prayer. It was in the midst of a tormented mind when I sought
advice from an AA sponsor. It was when I went to Bible school and discovered I
wasn’t the only person with a broken past that God had redeemed. It was in
service when nobody was watching. It was in looking back over my past years and
noticing God’s faithfulness in my growth; that he had changed me ever so
gracefully. It was when I felt discouraged, disappointed, distrusted, and
done-over and when I saw these things as material for learning and not
resentment.
It
was all these things above, and so many more, but when I experienced God’s
power and Presence and peace most was in those times of surrender.
Surrender
was something I learned was good, but not only most essential, and now most
confusing. Surrender before God can be no bad thing. Surrender before God is
the allowing of God’s Spirit to empower us to be real in our own beings.
We
need to be real, which in itself is a cliché.
But I
have found that being real is dependent on accepting myself. It took me a long
time to achieve that! And accepting myself was dependent on a belief that God
loves me. And God showed me in countless experiences that that faith was
founded truly. The more I surrendered to God my total being, the more God
scooped me out of the gutter of my filthy circumstances, the more I saw his
love living and active, incisive and decisive, in my life. God proved his love
for me, and all the more because I was a sinner who didn’t even deserve saving.
How
could I not love God in return for having saved me for this new second chance
of a life – to do my works of ministry in his name by faith?
When
we finally surrender all of our baggage at the feet of the one on the Throne of
Grace, we stand amazed at what he does. He pours out his love and redeems us in
the practicality of the moment.
***
God
loves broken, messy, awkward, ragtag, not-got-it-together people. When we experience the true Personage of the Lord, then we are convinced. It’s not
about religion; it’s about relationship. God’s love accepts and transforms.
© 2014 S. J. Wickham.
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