Recalling times past, nearly 10 years ago now, times when I
truly felt I had lost everything, I thank God for the sense of hope that was
instilled into me, even as I floundered to re-establish my identity as a man
healed enough to turn 180°.
Thinking back to those times and the desperation, the
loneliness, the fear, and the intrepid sense of wonder that God was with me
through all these, helping me step, proves to me, looking back how faithful God
is.
I screamed out to God to save me and he did just that, but in
ways I could never have imagined; as I wandered the earth having prayed that
bitter prayer, God sought me out in such unpredictable ways. When exercising,
worshipping, or simply driving the car I was swept aside myself by the Presence
of God – a giant goose bump wasn’t even half of it.
But no matter how much I was touched by the hand of God I still
had to grapple with the consequences of losing everything that was meaningful
to me.
I was desperate to make amends and I did so, but these amends
often probably meant more to God than they did to the person is making amends
to. Still, I remained convinced that I was on the right path; I had faith in
God and in God’s faithfulness to restore me and vindicate me. And he did.
Hope Inside of Hopelessness
Hope requires faith to work, just as faith
has to be fuelled by hope.
These two run in tandem, and they are helped
by love – love for ourselves through a loving God.
It may seem a contradiction in terms to be
able to access hope inside our hopelessness, but through faith enough to keep
stepping, honestly and courageously, we are gifted blessings for our faith. We
have power we never had before. We see things as we never saw them before,
honestly. We take full ownership of our lives and how it impacted others.
Somehow, in the depths of our sorrows, as we
grimly go on, there is a presence inside us, helping, assisting, when it would
be otherwise impossible to go on.
***
Holding on, having lost everything
meaningful sounds impossible, but with hope even in hopelessness we can go on.
Honesty, courage and companionship all go a long way. We have to believe the
best is yet to come, and the interesting thing about belief (faith) is most of
the time it comes true.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
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