I honestly lament that I am not the man I was 15 or 16 or 17 years ago. That man was a far better version of the man I am now, but alas the passage of the years, and the weight of knowledge have jaded me and worn me down — but I’ll never forget the vision of that man who lived better with nothing much at all.
Not that I am a bad man by any stretch of the imagination. Most people who know me know I am flawed, but they also see Christ’s work in me. But there is something missing; I’m a professional Christian these days who can guide someone through healing because of what I experienced years ago.
But I far prefer the image of the younger man for the joy that was in him, simply content to live a life of making amends. I was climbing the heights of spiritual recovery, pushing the envelope to wherever my joy would take me. Joy, hope and peace were the currencies of the day. The more I served for absolutely nothing at all, no reward, the more God did an inside job in me.
It is so sad that for the majority of the time I don’t live that life nowadays. I am just being honest. Perhaps it is the cost of ministry over the years, as the heart cools and the mind obliges. We give up our zealotry for a comfier Christianity — it’s sadly the way of world in the church.
AA is still by far and away the best denomination, and yet it’s not even got Christ at its head! Just like white culture could learn a lot from indigenous culture, our modern church could learn so much from the humble AA form of unified fellowship committed to service purely for love — no strings attached.
Making amends through a life of service to every single human being that we encounter; that is really what the Christian life is all about. But we settle for a brand of Christianity that accommodates idols and so many of them — we worship our favourite Christian stars, our ‘special’ churches, our programs, our achievements, our power, what ‘we have done for God.’
But true Christian joy is driven hard away from us when we replace God with these pathetic and putrid idols. The only way God draws close is through the contrition of a broken heart determined to do all it can bless others. It’s really all that counts.
I write this as much to myself as anyone else. We must put away our power, our prestige, our knowledge, and every single thing that sets us apart from God; we should desperately cling to everything that sets us apart to God.
Living a life of making amends means we are no longer interested in the petty complaints that any of us can become bogged down in. Imagine finding out this lesson when your back is pressed up hard against the wall, and you have no other way but to believe God for a redemption that seems so ridiculously impossible (to all bar God!).
Think about it for a moment. Imagine being so committed to blessing and serving others that all there is as a product is joy. This is done very simply by the orientation of our hearts toward making amends, whether we need to make amends or not, because a heart that is committed to blessing others, seeking no reward for it, is a heart beyond hurt; the eyes of such a heart are fixed on one thing and one thing alone: the Lord Jesus—the author and perfecter of the faith we claim to be real.
And this faith is only real by the testimony of those who testify to that faith. If we believe we have the power to bless anyone and everyone who will receive the blessing, God will see to it that we’ll succeed.
We do not look for kudos or favours in return when we set out to make amends, so you can see why it works. True service is done in a making amends kind of way. We bless people because we can. We do it because we owe everyone love when God loved every one of us enough to make us right with God.
I have thought long enough; I want to go back to being a man like that.
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