When life is all a little too much

I just sat down this morning, with a job to do, but with little motivation.  I had missed a family Zoom call, I was watching my wife sweep and my son play outside, I was pondering a very tragic set of events close to me and its effects on our community, and just for a moment I was a little overwhelmed; probably not in a felt state but in my mind.

I wanted to be part of the Zoom call, but just couldn’t, as I’d committed myself to something else.  That was okay.  I wanted to engage with the work that my wife was doing, but just couldn’t.  All I could do was watch.  I wanted to play with my son, but just couldn’t.  I just sat there and watched.

There was no need to get angry.

There was no need to toy with ideas of giving up.

There was no need to judge myself as being ‘less than’ I ought to be.

There was only the need to accept the overwhelming presence of the moment.

I could certainly have given in to the presence of sadness for how it made me feel.

Sadness can seem so useless, because there doesn’t seem to be anything positive about it, but sadness, as we regale with its truth, is an investment.

Sorrow, against everything that we are otherwise feel, takes us to a place where we can start afresh from the beginning, from the right place, from an appreciative perspective.

But we avoid such a place, because it doesn’t feel like the right direction to face or to go in at all.  It feels foreign and alien and like something of no good and of no worth at all.

It’s only when we come to the end of ourselves that we truly appreciate WHO is the beginning.

Sorrow is (unfortunately due to the pain it involves) a normal and natural emotion we cannot escape from; well, it makes little sense to try to escape from it.

The fact is right now, more than ever, we will have these feelings of inexplicable sorrow.  We shouldn’t mourn such feelings, even if it feels like all our hope is vanquished.

This, in the very heart of it, is where the heart of God resides; in our nothingness where we cannot help but face our brokenness.  This is where God has our attention.  This is where we make the greater gain spiritually.

But we must expect that it won’t feel right, and we must stay in that moment that seems beyond us and find the gentlest response that rallies with our sorrowful truth.

We reach out and connect with someone who will listen and not judge and just let us be.

This is the priceless quality of helpful community.

Or, if practising the presence of God is something of a gift you have, prayer and contemplation in the silence of the solemnity of your soul is your imminent opportunity.

And if neither of these is available to us, we can reach out to a pastor or counsellor we know and simply ask that they pray for us.  It is their honour to walk with you.

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash